While some subscribe to the philosophy of keeping work and personal life separate, prioritizing friendship can improve your work life. Research suggests that having friends at work can make us more likely to enjoy, and therefore stay in, our jobs. The task can seem daunting, especially at a remote or new job. Still, Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship coach and author of the forthcoming book Fighting for Our Friendships, says to start by prioritizing connections over making friends.
Instead of auditioning for new relationships, be curious and open.
“We continually underestimate how much we’ll enjoy conversations with strangers,” Jackson says. “But having conversations and staying curious…a natural by-product of that approach will be friendship.”
When we are curious, we learn more about our similarities and are likely to find times to connect both in and out of work.
“We’re more likely to make friends with people who we know in a bunch of different contexts,” Jackson says, “probably because it feels like a richer relationship.”
While it’s natural to gravitate toward like-minded people in your age range or department, people across the workplace can become friends—and intergenerational friendships teach both parties a lot about workplace expectations.
“Having somebody helping you navigate certain things from a different perspective is always really, really helpful,” Jackson says.
So which kinds of work-friend personalities should you seek out? While there’s not one perfect personality you should gravitate toward, here are three specific friend types that can be especially helpful to have in your corner:
The hype person
The hype person in the workplace is the enthusiastic team player who celebrates others’ wins. You can find them shouting out a colleague on Slack for completing a project or giving credit to others for their great ideas in a meeting. They may be more approachable and talkative, and they seem to have a genuine interest in the well-being and success of those around them.
“Especially when they’re not in the room, that person is demonstrating the quality that you would want in a work friend—a person you can trust to celebrate small wins, who wants you to look good, who doesn’t feel threatened in their position,” Jackson says. “They’re not gatekeeping information.”
The optimist
While we’ve collectively cancelled toxic positivity, having an optimist in your corner is still a win. You benefit from having someone who pushes you, and also helps you move forward after a setback. This is a friend you can lean on for encouragement about a big project or for advice on how to approach your boss about a challenging situation.
“This person has some sense of hope, like, ‘Okay, let’s figure this out,’” Jackson says. “Some sense of agency like, ‘I can do this. We can do this.’”
The observer
Highly sensitive people tend to be the most observant in workplaces. They have heightened creative and imaginative senses. The observers of the workplaces can also sense dynamics and pick up on things that others may not.
“They think before they speak,” Jackson says. “They are very attentive, and so they have superpowers in their own way.” While the majority of highly sensitive people are introverts, not all identify that way.
They are great people to befriend because they are empathetic and can help people thoughtfully navigate emotions and challenges.
Workplace friendships can be tricky because hierarchy and titles present inherent power dynamics. Jackson advises treading carefully and checking in with the coworker turned friend before bringing up sensitive topics to avoid situations where you’re using—or it appears that you’re using—friendship for work gains.
