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Back in September, when people still went places and did things, my stepson became a high school freshman. He attends a different school from his older sister, so we didn’t know many of the other families. Suddenly, the fall orientation season became an interesting exercise in meeting new people and introducing ourselves.
There had been, it seemed to me, an unusually high number of “welcome” events for incoming students, and I guess that my stepson’s mother and I had been to enough of them alone together to have something happen that I did not see coming: We were mistaken for same-sex parents.
It was the most awkward and thrilling thing imaginable.
The compliments about our son. The inclusion signaling. The we-so-approve-of-you smiles. What a status upgrade! I’d gone from a modern version of the fairy tale homewrecker to a person with rights. No longer an object of suspicion, for a brief shining moment, I had a whole damn month I could claim. I hadn’t even realized how much I needed the affirmation.
Finally, my soon to be ex-wife gently broke the news. “Actually,” she began, very kindly, “she’s the stepmom.” The lovely opposite-sex couple we were chatting with blinked. “Hey,” said the wife, “however you want to call yourselves…I get it.” She beamed. I beamed. Our son smirked and sidled away.
The incident got me thinking about all the relationships in our lives—the people we interact with either by accident or design—that do not rise to the acknowledgment of an official name. It felt like an interesting and delightful moment for my stepson’s mom and me (see? no name).
But for so many others, these unnamed ties are the people who see you and the relationships that save you. They’re often found in activist spaces, filled with people forged into deep bonds by a common opposing force. These are the chosen families, the corporate resource group safe havens and other communities who should take a central role in co-creating a world that wants to come next.
If “we” let them, of course.
Mia Birdsong is an extraordinary student of human communities; an activist, writer, and author of How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community. The book, she says, is an extension of her broader work of understanding how families, friendships, movements, and communities can sustainably thrive.
It’s smart to look beyond social norms for clues, she says.
“The people who I’ve seen build the most expansive, loving, inclusive powerful strong versions of relationships are queer people, Black people, poor people, unhoused people, sex workers,” she says. “You know, people for whom the American dream—they’re excluded from it to some degree.” What we’ve been told is a successful life—nuclear family, independence, and “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps”—is antithetical to who we are as human beings, she says.
The expertise that exists in these unnamed spaces can offer a model for what comes next. “Right now, we are all glaringly aware of our deep interdependence.” Centering that expertise also does double duty. “[It] positions marginalized people as keepers and holders of that wisdom and knowledge,” says Birdsong.
I also turned, as I often do, to David Kyuman Kim, a writer, convener, and professor whose work focuses on religious studies, race, moral theory, and public life. I asked him for his thoughts on the liminal space we’re all in together.
“This is really the work of inclusion,” he says. “It’s really to say, ‘look, everything that we thought was the norm was insufficient.’ And now, what’s coming out of this time, whatever this time is, is revealing this insufficiency, and who has always been excluded and why.”
This will lead to hard conversations, he says, calling for humility and courage.
“I know you’ve heard me say this before, that the root of the word courage is a French one, ‘coeur,’ which means heart,” he says, touching over his coeur on Zoom.
“So how do we show up with our hearts in this moment? Knowing that our hearts are battered and bruised?” Everyone is experiencing a loss, some more profoundly than others. And recognizing that business—and inclusion—as usual has been insufficient, may also feel like a type of loss. But, he says, we can build on that.
And maybe even learn a new social norm. “I don’t like being moralistic, but hopefully we come out of this with an increased impatience for the selfish amongst us,” he says.
Ellen McGirt
@ellmcgirt
Ellen.McGirt@fortune.com
On point
San Francisco and Seattle are winning the battle against coronavirus. Want to know why? Tune into tomorrow at 1 pm Eastern to hear my colleagues @Adam Lashinsky and @Erika Fry discuss how two great cities have managed to get their administrative arms around the pandemic. To prepare, please read Erika’s emotional deep dive into how the business community rallied to help fight the pandemic in Seattle. Zoom details below. See you there.
How Tech’s Top Two Cities Flattened the Curve
Millions of U.S. citizens living in mixed-status families will not get their stimulus checks The $2 trillion pandemic aid package excludes people with unauthorized immigrants in their families, even those who file taxes jointly with people with a Social Security number. The loophole identifies under-documented immigrants who file taxes under an individual taxpayer number, or an ITIN. Citizen spouses are automatically eliminated, putting families and citizen children in further risk. U.S. Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-San Antonio) is asking for a “legislative fix” in the next coronavirus relief legislation.
The Dallas Morning News
Ron and Yumi Hogan: A love story that saved lives Yumi Hogan is a South Korean born abstract painter, who fell in love with a man named Ron after he became smitten with her at an art show. That was 20 years ago. Now they are married, and Ron is the governor of Maryland. In a desperate bid to secure coronavirus test kits that the Trump administration would not provide, Gov. Hogan put his wife on the phone to negotiate with South Korean officials. She built on the bond the couple had formed with South Korean Ambassador to the U.S., Lee Soo Hyuk; after a 22-day negotiation, a chartered Korean Air flight arrived in Maryland over the weekend bearing some 500,000 tests from Korea's LabGenomics. Click through for more on the story and Baltimore’s first lady. And someone give her an art show, please.
CNN
Zachary Nunn made me mad Kidding, not kidding. Nunn is the host of the Living Corporate podcast and an indefatigable champion for equity and inclusion in the workplace. We had a great conversation recently and got into all the things—how I got here, how you got here, the lack of diversity in the corporate world (and journalism), and he reminded me of a column that I wrote about a topic that made my blood boil. And like a fish on a hook, I got mad all over again! (Hint: It was about redlining.) I don’t get interviewed very often, so it was an interesting opportunity to discover what I actually think about things. Nunn’s podcast was essential before the pandemic, more so now.
Living Corporate
Coronavirus in the community
- Nearly 100 Tyson Food plant workers test positive for coronavirus in Goodlettsville, Tenn., reports the Tennessean. You can support local Tennessee journalism here.
- The Smithfield Food plant in Sioux Falls, S.D. is currently the nation’s largest coronavirus hotspot, with more than 640 confirmed cases. We know about it because the Argus Leader exists.
- Sensing an ugly pattern in the food industry? You should be.
- Immigrant and refugee workers are disproportionately represented in the U.S. food industry. And it’s a jungle in there.
- Women do the bulk of unpaid care and household work. Women make up more than half of all low wage workers. Aides and care workers are predominantly women. The pandemic will decimate women.
- Project 100 aims to give $1,000 in cash directly to families in dire need. Stacey Abrams appeared on CBS This Morning to support the initiative. It’s a fundraising and distribution alliance between “Give Directly, Propel Fresh EBT, and Stands for Children, three organizations that work with the most vulnerable Americans,” says Abrams. Some $55 million has already been raised and Google, Andrew Yang, and Ariana Grande are on board.
On background
Start your morning with five interesting objects John Maeda, author, educator, and the Chief Experience Officer at Publicis Sapient, has a new and probably temporary LinkedIn show called "The Eight AM-ish Get Physical Show." For about seven minutes, he starts the day by talking about five compelling objects he has in his collection. “There’s no reason for this except I wanted to focus on objects in my environment because I am fixated on Zoom, teams, video screens, and it gets a little bit boring.” He’s right! And his collection is fascinating. Today’s show was beautifully eclectic, and included a blast from Apple’s past, a cord made from kimono fabric, and ended with handmade candles that last exactly 20 minutes before expiring. “That’s kind of what time is like,” he says. “You can burn it at both ends of the candle or you can find yourself instead.” Things that make you go oooohmmmm.
The Eight AM-ish Get Physical Show on LinkedIn Live
The oldest Black bookstore in America has been saved, for now It took a village in the form of a successful GoFundMe campaign to save Oakland’s Marcus Books, which was struggling while under quarantine. Founded by Drs. Raye and Julian Richardson in 1960, the shop quickly become a bright light in the Black literary community. Marcus Books, named for Marcus Garvey, has welcomed luminaries from Malcolm X and Angela Davis to Oprah Winfrey and Toni Morrison over the years. Marcus Books is now run by Blanche Richardson, one of the children of the founders. In this Q&A, Richardson talks about the near loss of the store, encroaching gentrification, and the impact the store has had on their family. “Practically every one of Raye and Julian’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren has grown up, worked, and been nurtured in the bookstore, and several of them are still actively involved in the operation of the business,” says Richardson.
Zora
East v. West in graphic form Graphic artist Yang Liu moved from Beijing to Berlin, Germany when she was just 13. As an adult, she began to use her art to help describe the not-so-subtle differences between how people thought and behaved in her two cultures. Her work is deceptively simple, red and blue posters illustrating everything from attitudes about the boss, anger management, queuing up in a line, and telling the truth. When placed side-by-side, they become a bridge to understanding. “Many situations are better understood if they can be seen in relation.” Her posters were published in an art book called East Meets West.
Quartz
Tamara El-Waylly produces raceAhead and manages the op-ed program.
The big number
1,100
That’s the number of verbal and physical attacks against Asian Americans since late March, according to Stop AAPI Hate, an organization that has been logging self-reported incidents in a variety of AAPI languages. The dramatic rise in the attacks is particularly notable since it occurs at a time of national quarantine.
Today's mood board
