To say Americans have a toxic view of aging would be an understatement. Research shows that a cultural fixation on appearing and acting young has led to political, economic, and social ramifications for older individuals. However, ageism, or bias and discrimination against older people, doesn’t simply come from those who are younger. Increasingly, self-directed ageism is causing negative health effects—both mental and physical—for those who have decades of life under their belts.
Ageism affects all aspects of one’s life. In the workplace, ageism may determine who gets hired and promoted. In the medical system, this bias may bar someone from receiving a treatment that could save their lives or abridge their mental health treatment because sadness and depression are just “part of getting older.” These forms of discrimination continue despite the fact that many of our beliefs about the mental and physical realities of growing old just aren’t grounded in research.
Myths abound about how our bodies and minds fare in our later years abound, according to the National Institutes of Health’s National Institute on Aging. For example, there’s the commonly-held idea that “you can’t learn new things past a certain age.” One study found that older generations may actually be better thinkers because they have a lifetime of knowledge to fall back on. Another squashed the idea that folks in their later years are more prone to depression than younger adults and found that, in fact, the opposite was true.
Still, ageism persists. “Biases start with preferences,” says Sheria G. Robinson-Lane, PhD, whose work focuses on improving equity for diverse older adults. “They come from the ways that we think about ourselves, the ways that we think about other people, and the ways that society thinks about people.”
How self-directed ageism harms your health
While facing all of this stigma and stereotyping in everyday life, it’s common for older adults to internalize some of these beliefs themselves—just as one may internalize sexism, racism, or any other -ism. “Self-directed ageism is when you have those negative attitudes about yourself. So believing ‘there’s no way I’m going to get promoted because I’m too old to get promoted,’ or ‘there’s no way I can learn the piano because I’m too old to learn music,” says Rowena G Gomez, PhD, who has a background is in aging and neuropsychology.
Understandably, carrying around limiting beliefs about what you can and can’t do has a negative effect on your mental well-being. And eventually, this self-bias can result in poor physical health. “When you’re in a place of experiencing more stress because you have a lot of self-doubt—you’re not able to live up to what you might feel like your potential is—all of that stress can affect your cardiovascular health,” says Robinson-Lane. “So you can see increases in your blood pressure or larger issues with hypertension.” This stress can also weaken the immune system, making you more prone to infections and illnesses.
5 expert tips for viewing aging through a new lens
You may have rigid beliefs about what you’re capable of at this moment, but you don’t have to carry those beliefs forever. Below, Gomez and Robinson-Lane offer their five best research-backed tips for cultivating a positive mindset about getting older.
Master the art of reframing
According to Gomez, reframing is the cornerstone of aging well despite the damaging societal messages around you. Reframing is a technique used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that emphasizes replacing repetitive harmful thoughts (like, “I can’t walk as fast as I used to.”) with harmless, evidence-based thoughts (like, “I can still get myself where I need to go, even if it takes longer to reach my destination than it did in the past.”) “When we reframe aging as something that can be positive, and that can help the person, this helps them feel more in control of their life,” she says.
As you go about your day, consider reframing a thought or two as you go along. Consider writing these down so that you can return to them later.
Create new systems for your everyday tasks
As we age, we tend to fall into the trap of expecting ourselves to do things exactly as we once did, only to feel frustrated when we don’t quite make the mark. For example, maybe you’ve always memorized your grocery list before heading to the store, but now you find yourself unable to remember more than an item or two.
Instead of beating yourself up, take a moment to think through your feelings. “The way I reframe [this situation] is like, ‘Well, Why do you have to remember everything in your head? Why don’t you just write everything down and then go? Why do we have to feel like we have to try to remember everything when we have all these other tools to help us?” says Gomez.
Maybe your new system is taking note of all your groceries on your phone before you go or keeping a small notebook in your purse that you can take out and reference once you’re in the bread aisle. That way, you’re meeting your current needs and saving yourself some exasperation in the future.
Pursue your same interests, but adapt them
There’s a misconception that once you hit a certain age, your hobbies and exercise routine need to fall away in favor of pre-approved interests for older people. But Gomez and Robinson-Lane say that there’s no reason to give up what brings you joy (so long as your doctor hasn’t told you it’s time to call it quits).
While you may no longer be able to run a marathon or read a book a week, those activities can still have a place in your life. “I think the first thing people should really think about is, what are the things that they really want to do? And then, instead of thinking about why they can’t do it because of their age, start to think about what your ‘yes list’ is. What are the things that you can do unless and how can you begin to accomplish them?” says Robnison-Lane. Maybe you decide to run-walk a marathon or switch to audiobooks if reading has started to hurt your eyes.
In other words, don’t assume that the best physical and mental fitness of your life is behind you; consider that it’s still within reach—and ready for taking.
Appreciate the things that get better with age
“I like to remind folks that there are still some things that actually get better as we get older; not everything declines,” says Gomez. It’s true that diseases like Alzheimer’s and dementia can deeply affect memory, but generally speaking, parts of the mind do grow sharper with age.
“Things like our vocabulary actually continue to get better,” Gomez adds. Decision-making and wisdom may also increase over time. Research shows that the more birthdays you have, the more distant parts of the brain communicate with one another, making connections that allow for a richer understanding of the world.
The notion that peak physical fitness declines also isn’t universally true, explains Robinson-Lane. “For many people, the latter third of their lives is the most active because they have the most time, the most inspiration, and sometimes they have the most money to be able to pursue some of those things,” she says.
Tell yourself that aging is a sign that you’re living
One of Gomez’s go-to mantras is that aging is the only way to know that you’re living. When she’s teaching, she often substitutes the verb “age” for the verb “live”—because, really, that’s what we’re all trying to do here.
