Hidden Valley’s Ranch Keg Could Be the Best Invention Since the Bacon Scented Alarm Clock

November 8, 2017, 11:54 PM UTC

The Hidden Valley Ranch Keg is making mouths water all over the internet, packing five liters of salad dressing into a small beer keg. Think about that for a moment: a keg of ranch dressing. It’s a shame they don’t award Nobel prizes for dipping sauces, because if they did, whoever concocted this condiment container would win it in gold, silver, and bronze.

Costing $50, the stackable keg (because most people will want more than one) is 9.7 inches tall and 6.3 inches wide, making it the perfect size to slather dressing on wings, potato skins, pizza crusts, French fries, jalapeno poppers, and—if you’re desperate—salad.

As for the Ranch Keg’s industrial design, just pit it against the hottest gadget on the market, the iPhone X. Sure, Apple might have found a way to eliminate the home button on its premiere product, but when you press the big red toggle on the Hidden Valley Ranch Keg, the nectar of the football gods pours out. Touchdown, Hidden Valley.

Of course $50 is no small investment when it comes to sauces, so it’s natural to wonder if the keg is worth its weight in dressing. Here’s the math: 5 liters is equal to 169 fluid ounces. At Costco, you can currently buy 80 ounces of Hidden Valley for about $15. (That’s $11.79 for two 40-ounce bottles, plus a $3.00 delivery fee.) So, ounce-for-ounce, buying bulk by the bottle is a better deal by around $20.

That means the question is, would you invest an Andrew Jackson for a keg thats only purpose is pumping out ranch? Any armchair quarterback worth their salty snacks knows the answer to that is a resounding “yes.”

Though the Ranch Keg isn’t technically on the market yet (it’s available for preorder), one could argue that there hasn’t been a product this innovative since the 2014 release of the Oscar Mayer Bacon Alarm Clock—and that includes the iPhone X, Nintendo Switch, the artificial pancreas, and Nike’s self-tying sneakers. Compare for yourself:

The keg begins shipping Dec. 11, and it’s one of several new products that helps people declare their love for Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, including ranch bottle coozies, Hidden Valley slippers, and a holiday ranch dressing fountain.

In fact, with the ability to circulate two pounds of ranch in a cascading, Auger-style appliance, the Hidden Valley Ranch Fountain may be even more impressive than the keg. It just goes to show, innovation never stops—except maybe for snacks.