- Ilana Dunn, host of the Seeing Other People podcast and former Hinge content lead, said while dating apps are making an effort to change, there’s only so much they can do. She predicts that more Gen Zers and millennials will take part in in-person meetups to find a romantic partner.
Ilana Dunn didn’t set out to become a dating coach. Like many of us, she endured years of trials and tribulations in relationships and relied on dating apps to help find her person.
Dunn, now the host of the Seeing Other People podcast with nearly 50,000 subscribed listeners, had worked for several years in the music industry creating behind-the-scenes content for artists and bands. But her dating life was a “complete dumpster fire,” she told Fortune.
“I had this pattern that I couldn’t break of only dating emotionally unavailable men who worked in the music business,” Dunn said. “And so after my who-knows-what-number bad breakup, I felt like I hit rock bottom and I couldn’t listen to music. I need[ed] to get out of this industry, because it [was] causing me so much pain.”
With that, Dunn left the music industry to take a content lead position at Hinge in 2018.
“When this opportunity came up, I was like, ‘Wow, what a cool way to use all of the pain and heartbreak that I’ve been through to help even just one person out there,’” she said. “It would make it all worth it.”
As Dunn joined Hinge, dating-app popularity was starting to peak. Hinge was acquired by the Match Group in 2019, which gave it some juice, and COVID-19 ushered in a pandemic-lockdown-era dating boom. Dunn even matched with her husband on a dating app—although she said their connection formed in person over a glass of wine.
Little did Dunn know at the time that several years later, dating apps would tank under new dating expectations and sentiment from younger generations.
Forbes found in a 2024 survey that more than 75% of Gen Zers feel burnt out using dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble because they don’t feel as if they can find a genuine connection with someone despite how much time they spend on the apps. Match Group’s financial results earlier this year illustrate these changing attitudes: Its first-quarter profits came in at $117.6 million, compared to $123.2 million in 2024, and paid usership was down 5% from a year ago at 14.2 million users. To be sure, Match Group on Wednesday released third-quarter earnings, showing a 2% year-over-year revenue jump. The company also invested $50 million in user-centric feature trials, marketing, and international expansion.
But earlier this year, Match Group CEO Spencer Rascoff admitted in a letter posted on LinkedIn dating apps today feel like a numbers game that leaves “people with the false impression that we prioritize metrics over experience.”
That’s led several major dating-app brands including Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder this year to introduce new features and products to their lineup. One example is a feature allowing Tinder users to pair up with friends to encourage double dating.
“This is the way Gen Z wants to connect,” Rascoff said. “They want to vibe their way through meeting people.”
Why dating apps won’t make the comeback they’re hoping for
While Dunn said she’s glad the dating apps are trying to evolve—“because they need to”—she said she doesn’t think there’s anything they can do to save the dating-app industry altogether.
“They can try to come up with more ways to [allow] people to assess chemistry, but unless they are really pushing people to meet in real life by maybe creating more in-person activations and events where people can assess, ‘Oh, is there a vibe here?’ I don’t know that they will make the comeback to being as big as they once were.”
Gen Zers and millennials have become increasingly interested in “meet-cutes” or meeting a romantic partner in real life instead of on a dating app.
“I don’t want to just be chatting people online,” Louise Mason, a millennial freelance marketing specialist from Doncaster, U.K., previously told Fortune. “I don’t want a pen pal.”
That’s led more people to start hosting in-real-life meetups like Max Gomez, a Gen Z communications professional, who hosted a “Champagne and Shackles” party to match up partygoers. They posted fliers around their neighborhood and invited a bunch of strangers for some matchmaking “in real time,” Gomez previously told Fortune.
Dunn also hosted a master class for the art of the meet-cute with 156-year-old wine brand Maison Louis Jadot. The idea was inspired by the classic concept of meeting a significant other: at a bar, sharing wine.
“If you’re just sitting on your couch thinking, ‘Wow, the apps aren’t working for me and no one’s banging down my door trying to meet me, I’m going to be single forever,’ you’re not necessarily putting yourself in the best position,” Dunn said.
She said she predicts we’ll start to see more in-person master classes, singles events, and other opportunities to meet romantic partners now that the sentiment about dating apps is changing. Still, Dunn said the fact that dating apps are making an effort to evolve shows. Hinge has lessened the number of matches a user can chat with at once, which forces users to make decisions and prioritize matches they’re genuinely interested in.
“I do think [dating apps have] come a long way in helping curate healthy dating behaviors,” Dunn said. “But I also think there are just so many people who are using them so passively.”
Dating tips from Ilana Dunn
Dunn spent about two years at Hinge as a content lead and started her podcast Seeing Other People in 2021, producing two episodes per week featuring dating experts.
As a dating coach, she said she always encourages people to use dating apps—but not only apps.
“It’s so much easier for somebody to hide behind their phone and put thought into the message that they’re crafting,” Dunn said. “But it is possible to also learn how to connect in real life, and it might take practice. It might take figuring out what you can control, and going to a bar that you’re familiar with, ordering a glass of wine, and striking up a conversation with somebody.”
She also said it’s about saying yes to things, like an invitation to get drinks with a coworker or seeing who else shows up or a random birthday party.
“Set a small goal for yourself and convince yourself that you can do it, and you’ll be really pleasantly surprised at what comes out of it,” said Dunn, using the example of striking up just one conversation with someone you’ve never met before.
Another tip for dating app users: Turn conversations into dates as soon as possible, Dunn said.
“Once you’re on the date, that’s where you can decide, is there a vibe? Are we interested in each other? Do we feel that chemistry?” Dunn said.
A version of this story originally published on Fortune.com on July 7, 2024.
