- People have mixed feelings about the age-old tactic of repeating a client’s name to make a sale or to seem more personable. Those on the receiving end find it condescending, disingenuous, and “icky.” People who are parroting names say it’s backed by science—and it’s a “superpower” on the job.
Repeating someone’s name in conversation has long been used as a tactic to avoid forgetfulness or to drive home a sale. But the strategy might not be as endearing as it’s been promoted.
Leaders are often tasked with remembering many clients’ names and backstories because it’s seen as a way to get ahead and solidify relationships with powerful people. It’s also been reported as one of the most interesting psychological tricks to get people to like you, according to Bustle.
It’s become such a common tactic it’s even referenced in popular culture; think back to that famous scene in the movie House Bunny, when Anna Faris’ quirky character repeats people’s names back to them in a deep voice to solidify them in her memory. It’s also something Leonardo DiCaprio’s character does in The Wolf of Wall Street when he tries to sell the wealthy on questionable stock investments. And many workers use this tactic on the job—from salespeople to CEOs.
Some leaders find the trick to be extremely useful and positive. Greg Fahey, a 33-year-old basketball coach at Hampton University in Virginia, toldThe Wall Street Journal he often repeats people’s names on the job.
“I view it as the superpower we all have that no one uses,” Fahey said.
But those who are on the receiving end of these conversations aren’t as keen on hearing their names spoken back to them at that level of frequency. It can come across as aggressive, fake-nice, and awkward—especially when someone is pushing a product or service.
Why the age-old tactic is rubbing people the wrong way
When Steve Dickerman’s startup in Chicago was looking to buy an AI tool, he remembered his experience with a salesperson negatively.
“He was doing stuff like, ‘OK Steve, would you be totally opposed to trying this out?’ and ‘Steve, I’m hearing from you it sounds like you’re worried,” Dickerman toldThe Wall Street Journal.
Others have also found the tactic to be disingenuous. When someone constantly repeats the listener’s first name without knowing them too well, it comes across as mandated friendliness.
“That sense of familiarity is forced at best,” James Davis, a 53-year-old worker, toldThe Wall Street Journal. He recalls working at a gas station one summer, and a repeat customer—whose name Davis didn’t remember—kept constantly yelling his name when he walked in. “It made me uncomfortable.”
Repeating someone’s name can also be perceived as condescending. And with so many people aware of this communication strategy, some can easily spot the tactic and are aware they’re trying to be influenced.
“I feel icky when someone says my name every other sentence,” TJ Guttormsen, a communications teacher, toldThe Wall Street Journal.
But there may be a kernel of truth, or success, in using the strategy to win people over. Dale Carnegie is most famous for inventing this tactic and authoring the book How To Win Friends And Influence People. He has one quote that kick-started this phenomenon.
“Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language,” wrote in the book.
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Carnegie’s broader work has been clowned on by professionals, but there is some merit to his trick. Frank Cespedes, a senior lecturer in the entrepreneurial management unit at Harvard Business School, told NPR in a 2021 podcast episode Carnegie is supported by behavioral research. Parts of our brains—including the middle and superior temporal cortex—are stimulated by hearing our own names.
However, it can fall flat depending on the context and who the speaker is talking with. And while it has proven to be a core sales strategy, repeating another person’s name isn’t a golden ticket to success.
“It matters who you’re dealing with. I mean, it just does,” Cespedes told NPR. “It’s a lot less important than product, price, and the value proposition.”
Cespedes recognizes the potential for the trick to be done well, while also rejecting the notion parroting someone’s name is fake niceness. But how someone feels about their name being repeated all hinges on the listener’s perspective. Reactions can’t be contained into one expectation.
“It depends what you mean by disingenuous. If you think somebody is trying to persuade you to buy something—of course. But I think that’s what we call sales. And in a free market, it’s a free choice,” Cespedes said. “I find absolutely nothing dishonorable or disingenuous about that.”
