Make room between the turkey and stuffing: This Thanksgiving, money talk should also be on the table.
That’s according to financial advisors, who say one of the best times to discuss finances is when family members are all in one place, which is more common during the holidays for many families. And it’s especially important ahead of the great wealth transfer, or what financial experts are calling the coming exchange of $84 trillion in assets from older generations to younger ones over the next few decades.
Many families have an uphill battle: 56% of investors say their parents never discussed money with them, according to Fidelity Investment’s recently-released State of Wealth Mobility study. The good news is that feelings about money talk are changing: 83% of parents say it’s important to talk to their children about their finances, per the study.
Money talk can be uncomfortable for anyone—in fact, it is routinely found to be the most taboo topic to discuss—but it’s crucial for your heirs and other family members to have an understanding of your assets, your plan for them in the future, and what your wishes are for your legacy, among other topics. And if you’re planning to broach the topic with your family members this holiday season, it doesn’t have to be an hours-long slog.
“It might be the first time in a year you’re seeing relatives in person,” says Andrew Crowell, a financial advisor and vice chairman of wealth management at D.A. Davidson. “You can take 15, 20 minutes to have a sidebar conversation…It may seem the last thing you want to talk about during the holidays, but it could be the best gift you give your family, is that clarity.”
One big topic that should be on the table, advisors say: Estate planning. Your spouse or partner and heirs should know what is coming to them and how to access it. But your estate plan goes beyond financial planning, says Crowell. It can also include important medical plans and other end-of-life considerations.
“It’s not pleasant to think about but as an adult, it’s your responsibility,” says Crowell. “Thinking through in advance and having difficult conversations in advance is the most critical thing to do.”
Having a conversation around the holidays—or another time that’s easy to schedule—can be a good idea because emotions won’t be as heightened as they typically are in the aftermath of a death or other type of family emergency, when many have them because there is no other choice. Planning them ahead allows families to control the environment and tenor, and make sure everyone is comfortable.
Katherine Fox, a certified financial planner who specializes in helping millennial and Gen Z inheritors, says another part of the conversation should be teaching children about investing, taxes, and other financial moves to help manage any wealth they might inherit.
That said, Fox says the generation leaving money to heirs should keep an open mind about what their heirs may do in the future. She suggests talking about their values, goals, and how money can be a tool to live the life they aspire to.
“A well crafted estate plan should include heirs. Can we work together to solve this problem and build this plan together instead of you just dictating what you think is best?” says Fox. “A lot of families want to have these conversations but both sides are too afraid to bring it up.”
One way to ease into any potentially awkward conversations is to have a neutral, third party present, like a financial advisor or lawyer, says Crowell.
“They are the perfect moderator,” he says. “As part of a comprehensive financial plan, it’s my obligation to ask those difficult questions. To understand, what do you want to happen when you’re gone?”
All that said, not all of the pressure needs to be on the parents—kids can initiate conversations too, she says. To avoid any defensiveness, don’t lead the conversation by diving right into the financials. Instead, start with broader questions about estate planning. Has the older generation thought about where they will live when they get older? What are their priorities in retirement? Do they have charitable goals they want to accomplish?
The overall goal should be for everyone to eventually understand what is transferring, how it will transfer, and how it will be split.
“A generational wealth transfer, that’s a family values conversation that should be authentic to families,” she says. “You also have a role and agency in starting these conversations.”
