Bullying is a painful universal experience, and it doesn’t stop in the schoolyard. The workplace is often rife with bad behavior and toxic coworkers taking unwarranted jabs at their colleagues.
About 30% of adult Americans suffer abusive misconduct at work, and 66% say they’re aware of bullying within their workplace, according to data from a 2021 survey conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute, a U.S. consulting company that provides resources and research on workplace bullying. That kind of behavior can create a toxic atmosphere at the office, and metastasize into serious company culture issues. Some HR experts also say that workplace incivility, which includes gaslighting, gossiping, and shaming, is on the rise.
But how should employees approach a situation they thought would end in high school? Fortune spoke with professors, HR professionals, and career experts about the matter, who all agreed on four things: employees experiencing bullying should be direct with the perpetrator while avoiding escalation, lean on managers and coworkers as allies, and document everything that happens. And if the bullying is physical or discriminatory, workers should go straight to HR.
“One of the hardest things about bullying is that the dynamic stays secret and that the bully is not held accountable for their impact,” Heidi Brooks, senior lecturer in organizational behavior at the Yale School of Management, tells Fortune. “The accountability for bullying lies not only with the individual bully. An environment that tolerates or even encourages bullying is problematic for everyone.”
Be direct, but avoid escalating the situation
Employees who are being harassed should stand up for themselves, and speak directly with their toxic peer on what’s happening. But experts say they should also approach the conversation professionally to avoid fanning any flames.
“When facing a rude, aggressive, or mean coworker, it’s important for employees to remain calm and professional, avoiding emotional reactions that might escalate the situation,” Daniel Grace, director of international HR consulting at IRIS Software Group, tells Fortune.
Brooks agrees, and adds that it’s important to put the bully’s behavior in perspective—don’t take their bad behavior personally, and be clear about who the wrongdoer really is. While having a one-on-one with a toxic colleague, she recommends that employees try to stay level-headed.
“Keep in mind that bullying is about the bully. It’s their character and integrity at stake, not yours,” Brooks says. “Beware of how much the messages of a bully can get under your skin and get internalized. Stay grounded.”
Confronting an office bully is also a good way to cut straight to the point. Instead of putting up with prolonged negative behavior, workers should confront harassment head on, and maybe even find some common ground.
“When dealing with a workplace bully, it’s usually best to try and discuss the situation at hand directly with the person in question to try finding an efficient way to work together,” Gabrielle Davis, career trend expert at Indeed, tells Fortune. “However, it’s also important to document all incidents, including dates and times, and report this information to your manager and HR so they are aware of the situation and can help.”
Document everything
Employees facing a workplace bully should leave a paper trail of their harassment—that makes it easier to prove a trend of negative behavior. All workforce experts that Fortune spoke with say this is a critical step.
“If you feel bullied or targeted, my first advice is to document it in detail. The faintest ink is more reliable than the sharpest memory,” Andrew McCaskill, a career expert at LinkedIn, tells Fortune. “If you resolve the issue, you don’t need your notes on what was said or copies of emails or quotes from messenger exchanges. But if a resolution becomes complicated, you’ll be thankful that you took notes.”
Grace says that documentation is essential if the issue needs to get pushed to HR. If the bully continues their bad behavior even after the bullied coworker calls them out, then there’s a record of incidents to prove that the peer is being toxic to others.
“Document incidents with specific details and evidence to support your claims,” he says. “If informal resolutions are unsuccessful or the behavior continues, follow internal grievance procedures or consult HR for further assistance.”
Coworkers can be important allies
Bullying is often not an isolated experience, and if a coworker is harassing another person, bystanders are likely to pick up on it. In these circumstances, employees experiencing harassment can lean on their coworkers to be their allies.
When someone is being bullied in front of others, it’s important for any witnesses to speak up. Colleagues should advocate for others—if they were put in that situation, they would likely want the same help. Brianna Caza, associate professor of management at the University of North Carolina Greensboro, tells Fortune this culture of accountability is important in stopping workplace harassment.
“Coworkers can definitely interrupt bullying in the moment,” she says. “If you are in a boardroom where somebody is being treated unfairly and they feel uncomfortable because of the treatment that they’re receiving, being able to stand up for that person or correct it in the moment is really important.”
But talking to your manager is also an important step
Ultimately, managers should be alerted to bullying behavior if nothing changes after someone confronts the perpetrator directly, according to Tamara Rodman, senior partner at Korn Ferry.
“Say, ‘Hey, I’m experiencing XYZ, can you help me navigate this?’ It isn’t incumbent on an employee to change another peer’s behavior. It’s on their manager to have a corrective conversation and give them that feedback,” she says.
Unfortunately, not all bosses are thoughtful or proactive about creating a positive company culture. About 64% of workers say they have faced toxicity at work, and 41% of those employees blame their direct managers for the situation, according to a 2023 report from the Muse, a job search and hiring platform. If supervisors aren’t actively working to fix the problem, or even making it worse, employees should turn to HR.
Going to HR
Experts say that going to HR is the natural next step for employees who have already raised the issue towards the bully and their manager with no avail. And if a colleague is experiencing physical harassment or discrimination, the issue should be reported to HR immediately.
“Going straight to HR is always an option and not solely a last resort. Someone may not feel comfortable addressing the issue directly, particularly if the bully is more senior, can influence their career or may retaliate,” Rodman says. “Sometimes they just need to vent, sometimes they’re looking for advice, and sometimes they need me to intervene.”
