• Home
  • Latest
  • Fortune 500
  • Finance
  • Tech
  • Leadership
  • Lifestyle
  • Rankings
  • Multimedia

Trendingnow

1

Richard Branson double-booked his own job interview. The candidate stuck in traffic with him for 2.5 hours is now Virgin's CEO

2

Tech billionaires and executives like Evan Spiegel and Peter Thiel are publicly shielding their children from the products that made them rich

3

IBM’s CEO disagrees with JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon’s disdain for texting in meetings: ‘Telling people they can't use their technology would be weird’

1

Richard Branson double-booked his own job interview. The candidate stuck in traffic with him for 2.5 hours is now Virgin's CEO

2

Tech billionaires and executives like Evan Spiegel and Peter Thiel are publicly shielding their children from the products that made them rich

3

IBM’s CEO disagrees with JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon’s disdain for texting in meetings: ‘Telling people they can't use their technology would be weird’
Satire from Fortune

Man Terrified of Palantir, More Terrified to Explain What Palantir Is

By
Ashwin Rodrigues
Ashwin Rodrigues
Down Arrow Button Icon
By
Ashwin Rodrigues
Ashwin Rodrigues
Down Arrow Button Icon
July 27, 2018, 9:19 AM ET
Caucasian man frowning outdoors
Caucasian man frowning outdoors. Alberto Guglielmi—Getty Images/Blend ImagesAlberto Guglielmi—Getty Images/Blend Images
Add Fortune on Google for similar content.

He knows it’s bad. It’s Palantir after all. But there is one fear greater than one man’s fear of the ever-evolving data surveillance state: explaining what exactly Palantir is.

A 38 year-old accountant, Morgan Watts’s fear of Palantir is all-consuming. He’s covered his MacBook’s webcam, and installed the Signal messaging app. He’s even started browsing the web exclusively in Incognito mode.

“Palantir, man.” said Watts, when asked why he’d taken these privacy measures. However, when asked what Palantir is, or does, Watts had a decidedly less definitive answer.

“I have a full-time job, a family, and a thriving tomato garden. I can’t be expected to explain the inner workings of Peter Thiel’s brainchild. I just don’t have the time for a such a thing,” Watts said, lying.

As Watts described his style of news consumption, it became clear how one man can be so fearful of a company without understanding its purpose.

“I like to read headlines without reading the accompanying stories. Reading several headlines and drinking two cups of coffee give me just enough general anxiety to start my day,” Watts explained.

It is unlikely that reading more about Palantir Technologies would quells the fears held by Watts. In a 2017 report, the company’s multimillion dollar project with the Immigrations and Customs Enforcement Agency (ICE) came to the public’s attention. Technology companies have come under fire for their work with ICE, especially when they’ve been accused of facilitating the separation of families.

The Palo-Alto based company, founded by Peter Thiel, with solutions ranging from “Cyber” to “Law Enforcement” to “Skywise” responded with the following statement. “There is nothing to worry about. We don’t recommend anyone reads more about Palantir.”

 

About the Author
By Ashwin Rodrigues
See full bioRight Arrow Button Icon
Add Fortune on Google for similar content.

Latest in


Most Popular

Fortune Secondary Logo
Rankings
  • 100 Best Companies
  • Fortune 500
  • Global 500
  • Fortune 500 Europe
  • Most Powerful Women
  • World's Most Admired Companies
  • See All Rankings
  • Lists Calendar
Sections
  • Finance
  • Fortune Crypto
  • Features
  • Leadership
  • Health
  • Commentary
  • Success
  • Retail
  • Mpw
  • Tech
  • Lifestyle
  • CEO Initiative
  • Asia
  • Politics
  • Conferences
  • Europe
  • Newsletters
  • Personal Finance
  • Environment
  • Magazine
  • Education
Customer Support
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Customer Service Portal
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms Of Use
  • Single Issues For Purchase
  • International Print
Commercial Services
  • Advertising
  • Fortune Brand Studio
  • Fortune Analytics
  • Fortune Conferences
  • Business Development
  • Group Subscriptions
About Us
  • About Us
  • Press Center
  • Work At Fortune
  • Terms And Conditions
  • Site Map
  • About Us
  • Press Center
  • Work At Fortune
  • Terms And Conditions
  • Site Map
  • Facebook icon
  • Twitter icon
  • LinkedIn icon
  • Instagram icon
  • TikTok icon
  • YouTube icon

    Latest in


    Most Popular

    © 2026 Fortune Media IP Limited. All Rights Reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy | CA Notice at Collection and Privacy Notice | Do Not Sell/Share My Personal Information
    FORTUNE is a trademark of Fortune Media IP Limited, registered in the U.S. and other countries. FORTUNE may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.