• Home
  • Latest
  • Fortune 500
  • Finance
  • Tech
  • Leadership
  • Lifestyle
  • Rankings
  • Multimedia
Apple

Why everything is bad for Apple

By
Philip Elmer-DeWitt
Philip Elmer-DeWitt
Down Arrow Button Icon
By
Philip Elmer-DeWitt
Philip Elmer-DeWitt
Down Arrow Button Icon
August 3, 2014, 1:22 AM ET

Can you tell which of these paragraphs was written by veteran PC Magazine columnist John Dvorak and which by a robot?

“The House of Jobs was once a mighty innovator, reshaping industries so often that it seemed like it would never stop. But stop it has. While people like John Gruber want to say this isn’t a big deal for Apple because it’s still going to collect its $650+ for each iPhone other retailers sell, we disagree.”

“Before I begin, let me start by saying that everything I say is out of love for Apple. I’ve long admired the company, and am eager to cheer it on again. Apple’s board, chock full of environmental activists like Al Gore and Tim Cook, rarely miss a chance to polish their premium brand’s image with the faithful climate change cabal.”

“I’ve said before that this Apple product won’t get much further than any other computer watch, smartwatch, or anything else. I first wrote about this in 2012—an article worth re-reading. You can also reread my recent screed about why Apple should not do a watch. But in less than a month I have changed my mind — kind of.”

That should have been easy. Only Dvorak would pack four references to previous columns in as many sentences. But you may be forgiven if you picked one of the first two entries. They were created by the Apple Clickbait Generator, a clever piece of javascript that borrows verbiage from writers like Dvorak to create a new, random article with every refresh under the headline: “Why everything is bad for Apple.”

“The idea for this came to me in a sudden flash of inspiration while idly staring out the window,” writes creator Kirk Lennon, with a tip of the hat to The Macalope, Macworld’s sharp-tongued Apple press critic. “Most of the sentences are culled verbatim from real clickbait articles found online. Some sentences I adapted to varying degrees, and some others I wrote myself, after channeling years of bad articles I’ve read.”

Clickbait, for those unfamiliar with the term, is defined by Wiktionary as “Website content that is aimed at generating advertising revenue, especially at the expense of quality or accuracy, relying on sensationalist headlines to attract click-throughs.” No company has inspired more clickbait than Apple.

LINK: Apple Clickbait Generator

Follow Philip Elmer-DeWitt on Twitter at @philiped. Read his Apple (AAPL) coverage at fortune.com/ped or subscribe via his RSS feed.

About the Author
By Philip Elmer-DeWitt
See full bioRight Arrow Button Icon

Latest in

Nicholas Thompson
C-SuiteBook Excerpt
I took over one of the most prestigious media firms while training for an ultramarathon. Here’s what I learned becoming CEO of The Atlantic
By Nicholas ThompsonDecember 13, 2025
2 hours ago
Sarandos
Arts & EntertainmentM&A
It’s a sequel, it’s a remake, it’s a reboot: Lawyers grow wistful for old corporate rumbles as Paramount, Netflix fight for Warner
By Nick LichtenbergDecember 13, 2025
3 hours ago
Lauren Antonoff
SuccessCareers
Once a college dropout, this CEO went back to school at 52—but she still says the Gen Zers who will succeed are those who ‘forge their own path’
By Preston ForeDecember 13, 2025
3 hours ago
Oracle chairman of the board and chief technology officer Larry Ellison delivers a keynote address during the 2019 Oracle OpenWorld on September 16, 2019 in San Francisco, California.
AIOracle
Oracle’s collapsing stock shows the AI boom is running into two hard limits: physics and debt markets
By Eva RoytburgDecember 13, 2025
4 hours ago
Asiathe future of work
The CEO of one of Asia’s largest co-working space providers says his business has more in common with hotels
By Angelica AngDecember 12, 2025
11 hours ago
EconomyFederal Reserve
Trump names Warsh, Hassett as top Fed contenders, WSJ says
By Jennifer A. Dlouhy and BloombergDecember 12, 2025
14 hours ago

Most Popular

placeholder alt text
Economy
Tariffs are taxes and they were used to finance the federal government until the 1913 income tax. A top economist breaks it down
By Kent JonesDecember 12, 2025
1 day ago
placeholder alt text
Success
Apple cofounder Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake for $800 in 1976—today it’d be worth up to $400 billion
By Preston ForeDecember 12, 2025
23 hours ago
placeholder alt text
Success
40% of Stanford undergrads receive disability accommodations—but it’s become a college-wide phenomenon as Gen Z try to succeed in the current climate
By Preston ForeDecember 12, 2025
22 hours ago
placeholder alt text
Economy
For the first time since Trump’s tariff rollout, import tax revenue has fallen, threatening his lofty plans to slash the $38 trillion national debt
By Sasha RogelbergDecember 12, 2025
18 hours ago
placeholder alt text
Economy
The Fed just ‘Trump-proofed’ itself with a unanimous move to preempt a potential leadership shake-up
By Jason MaDecember 12, 2025
16 hours ago
placeholder alt text
Success
At 18, doctors gave him three hours to live. He played video games from his hospital bed—and now, he’s built a $10 million-a-year video game studio
By Preston ForeDecember 10, 2025
3 days ago
Rankings
  • 100 Best Companies
  • Fortune 500
  • Global 500
  • Fortune 500 Europe
  • Most Powerful Women
  • Future 50
  • World’s Most Admired Companies
  • See All Rankings
Sections
  • Finance
  • Leadership
  • Success
  • Tech
  • Asia
  • Europe
  • Environment
  • Fortune Crypto
  • Health
  • Retail
  • Lifestyle
  • Politics
  • Newsletters
  • Magazine
  • Features
  • Commentary
  • Mpw
  • CEO Initiative
  • Conferences
  • Personal Finance
  • Education
Customer Support
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Customer Service Portal
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms Of Use
  • Single Issues For Purchase
  • International Print
Commercial Services
  • Advertising
  • Fortune Brand Studio
  • Fortune Analytics
  • Fortune Conferences
  • Business Development
About Us
  • About Us
  • Editorial Calendar
  • Press Center
  • Work At Fortune
  • Diversity And Inclusion
  • Terms And Conditions
  • Site Map

© 2025 Fortune Media IP Limited. All Rights Reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy | CA Notice at Collection and Privacy Notice | Do Not Sell/Share My Personal Information
FORTUNE is a trademark of Fortune Media IP Limited, registered in the U.S. and other countries. FORTUNE may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.