A Complete Raft of Bulls**t!

May 2, 2007, 3:43 AM UTC

I’m proud of you guys. I called and you answered. Are, in fact, still answering in droves. May such wonders never cease.

For about a week now, I’ve presented a gallery of bulls**t jobs for your enjoyment and, more importantly, your inspiration. My humble gallery of 50 BS Jobs, which may be found elsewhere on this site, has always been nothing more than a conversation opener, just as my book on the subject 100 Bulls**t Jobs And How To Get Them, was also intended to spark thought on what most experts now believe to be an inexhaustible subject.

It certainly has been with you guys, as a total plethora of submissions has come down the broadband pipe to us since that very first day we started asking for them. In the days to come, we will offer a gallery of your very own bulls**t jobs, the ones that you, dear interactive readers, have offered in humility, rage and pride. They’re still rolling in, and if you want to have yours considered I’d suggest you drop all that other bulls**t you’re up to and focus on this for a little while.

You can then join the Problem Manager and the Technical Analyst for State Government and the Base Fitness Advisor for the U.S. Air Force and the Academic Advisor for Student Athletes and Etiquette Consultant and Team Leader at Discovery Card and the Country Club Restaurant Matrade (a new spelling of maitre d’, right?) and all the other wonderful bulls**t artists who are proudly pursuing their professions with the tremendous skills the Lord gave them. My hat is off to you all! See?

We will also be offering in the days to come a little quiz that you can take to determine the BQ — the Bulls**t Quotient of your job.  There is a mathematical calculation that can be found in the beginning of my book, 100 Bulls**t Jobs and How To Get Them, that I have used in the past to determine my BQ, which of course is very high indeed.  You can utilize the tool if you wish. You’ll need the book, of course.

In any event, I will personally be heartbroken if we move to publish our Gallery of Bulls**t Achievement and you are not at least considered by the dedicated jury of artists now adjudicating the subject. So please. Get with the program. There’s no time like the present. And there is no I in Team.

That last little bit there has nothing to do with what we were talking about. But I felt like I needed to end on something appropriate to the subject.