Building meaningful connections in the workplace often comes down to moments so small they can feel insignificant. And yet, those moments can shape how others perceive you. According to behavioral researcher Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of Science of People, which teaches people social skills to use in life and business, three specific phrases can dramatically increase your likability by addressing a psychological blind spot most people don’t know they have.
Van Edwards, whose research on charisma and nonverbal communication has reached more than 70 million people and been featured at Harvard, MIT, and Stanford, shared her insights during an interview with Steven Bartlett on the Diary of a CEO podcast. Her advice is based on what psychologists call signal amplification bias, the idea that even when you genuinely like someone, or enjoy an interaction, they probably don’t realize it. In short, people tend to overestimate how much their feelings come across to others.
“We think our signals are obvious,” Van Edwards said in the interview. “If we like someone or if we’re having a good time, we think, ‘Oh, they for sure know it.’ They don’t.”
This bias can create gaps in professional relationships where colleagues, clients, and contacts may never realize how much you value them—unless you explicitly communicate it. Van Edwards said she developed three phrases designed to bridge that gap, what she calls her “magic phrases for likability.”
The first phrase: ‘I was just thinking of you’
The most powerful phrase, according to Van Edwards, is deceptively simple: “I was just thinking of you.”
The key to using this phrase effectively is authenticity. Van Edwards said it should only be used when genuinely triggered by a thought or association. “You think of a lot of people in your life all the time,” she said. “If you are thinking of someone and you can text them, text them: ‘I was just thinking of you, how are you?’ ‘I was just thinking of you, how’d that project go?’ ‘I was just thinking of you, it has been a while since we talked.’”
The phrase also works when something in daily life sparks a connection. “You see a movie, you see a documentary, you see a matcha latte, you see a mug, you see a ceramic candle, and you’re like, ‘Ah, this made me think of you,’” Van Edwards said. “My text messages, my conversations, are full of actual moments where I was triggered to think of that person.”
Van Edwards added a crucial caveat: “If you don’t think of someone, they’re not a person you need to have in your life.”
The second phrase: ‘You’re always so …’
The second phrase involves offering specific positive labels: “You’re always so …” followed by a genuine compliment. Some examples: “You always make me laugh,” “You’re always so interesting,” or “You’re always so great at interviews.”
“Giving them a label that is a positive label is the best gift you can give someone,” Van Edwards said. The reason this works ties back to signal amplification bias: Explicitly naming a quality you appreciate is a great way to fight the tendency to assume your admiration of someone is already obvious.
Research on interpersonal warmth—which, alongside competence, accounts for roughly 82% of how people evaluate others—supports the importance of explicit positive communication. Studies have found that warmth is the primary barometer for people when meeting someone new, as it signals whether or not they can be trusted.
The third phrase: ‘Last time we talked, you mentioned …’
The final phrase demonstrates active listening and memory: “Last time we talked, you mentioned …”
Van Edwards said referencing something the person was genuinely excited about is incredibly important in getting them to like you. “We are so honored when we get brain space—that you remembered and you’re going to bring it up,” she said. “And you specifically bring up something that they lit up with, something they were like, ‘Ah, it was great, it was exciting, it was wonderful.’”
This phrase signals that you not only heard what someone said, but valued it enough to retain and revisit it. In professional settings where colleagues and clients often feel overlooked, this simple acknowledgment can be a great way to strengthen relationships.
But here’s the important thing about all three tips: You can’t force it. During the interview, Bartlett said reaching out to everyone as much as Van Edwards was recommending sounds “exhausting,” but she clarified that these phrases should be used organically, from genuine moments, not from forced outreach.
“You’re only doing it when it’s actually naturally occurring to you,” she said. “You’re watching a documentary, you’re at a restaurant, you’re on the bus, you’re like, ‘Oh, that reminds me of this person’—quick text. That is less work than missing an old friend and not knowing what to say.”
Van Edwards, who has built her career on translating behavioral science into practical communication strategies, developed her first framework about 12 years ago and has taught hundreds of thousands of students through her courses and books. “I’m a recovering awkward person,” she told Bartlett on the podcast, describing how she once believed charisma was genetic until she discovered it could be learned.
You can watch the full Diary of a CEO interview with Vanessa Van Edwards below:
For this story, Fortune used generative AI to help with an initial draft. An editor verified the accuracy of the information before publishing.
