For a generation entering a tough labor market, the path to landing a dream job or securing a promotion can feel like a high-stakes battle. The common advice suggests being bold, decisive, and unyielding. However, Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks, who created and teaches one of the university’s most popular courses, argues for a radically different approach rooted in 15 years of behavioral science research.
Brooks’s core message is that the most successful people are not the most forceful, but the most effective communicators who prioritize connection over persuasion.
“When we think of a good negotiator, this really tough, rigid, persuasive person comes to mind,” she explained on the Mel Robbins Podcast in April. “When we actually study people negotiating in practice … often the best negotiators are people who are just great communicators … who figure out how to figure out what other people need and then figure out how to actually deliver what other people need.”
Brooks told Robbins about her background, her recent book Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves, and about her core message to people seeking advancement in their careers: you get ahead by focusing on the other person.
A master communicator
As a behavioral scientist with a PhD from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton school of business, she has studied emotions, how people feel, and specifically how people talk about their feelings in the context of negotiations.
Brooks was recruited by Harvard Business School on the back of this research to teach a course on negotiation. After four years of teaching this, she created a course that focused more broadly on becoming a better conversationalist in every area of one’s life.
Much of her research, she explained, led her to counterintuitive solutions, including on how to ask for a raise.
Instead of marching in with a list of demands, adopt a “learning mindset” and ask questions. She suggested initiating casual conversations to understand what your manager truly values. Ask things like, “Which of these things is most valuable to you?” or “What could make this organization better?” By learning what your boss needs and then delivering it, you become invaluable and build a much stronger case for a raise.
“It’s not weak to ask,” Brooks said, noting it’s smart to understand if your boss is even in a position to grant your request.
For those on the job hunt, this approach of focusing on the other person is equally critical. With many jobs filled through networking, Brooks emphasized that networking is about creating meaningful relationships, not just dazzling contacts. She urged young professionals to approach informational chats with genuine curiosity.
“You don’t need any more than five minutes to make a meaningful connection,” she pointed out.
Reframe your anxiety
Once in a job interview, nerves can often sabotage performance, but Brooks suggested reframing anxiety as excitement. Anxiety is a high-arousal emotion, and trying to calm down is often a fruitless battle against your body’s natural response, she argued.
“Instead of thinking about the 100 ways that it could go wrong, I’m going to focus on how it could go well,” she said.
Saying “I’m excited” out loud has been shown to improve performance because it shifts your mindset from threat to opportunity.
And to answer the dreaded “Tell me about yourself” question, she offered a simple, confident framework: “I’m going to share two things with you about my professional experience and then two things about my personal life.” This structure makes you appear prepared and articulate while giving you a clear path to follow when nervous.
Ultimately, Brooks’s advice boils down to shifting from self-promotion to service.
“Think about what other people need and then deliver it to them … the more people that you can give what they need, the more people there are in the world who are poised and ready and excited to give you what you need back,” she concluded.
For this story, Fortune used generative AI to help with an initial draft. An editor verified the accuracy of the information before publishing.