Satire: Trump’s Health Report Spurs Burger-Based Diet Craze

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The country might be divided, but the brands are united.

Just days after Dr. Ronny Jackson concluded the President is in excellent health, a new diet craze is already on the rise, even as many in corporate America express doubt about the viral trend.

Spurred by reports of President Trump’s physical well-being, many Americans have started the “Trump Challenge,” which involves the consumption of multiple McDonald’s Quarter Pounders over the duration of a day, paired with a dozen Diet Cokes and a golf-based exercise regimen, for one month, in an effort to achieve excellent health.

On Friday, Coca-Cola Company and McDonald’s company released a joint statement calling for Americans to stop trying to emulate President Trump’s newsworthy diet. Health experts have cautioned that not everyone who tries it will grow to six foot three inches, or drop to 239 pounds.

Now, in what has largely been seen as an act of public goodwill, the two corporate behemoths issued a joint statement, hoping to prevent the challenge from turning fatal.

An excerpt from the statement can be read below.

“We understand there’s a desire to emulate the consumption habits of certain figures in the public sphere. If we’re being honest, we love it when you do that. After all, what’s better than washing down a couple Quarter Pounders®, with the crisp and refreshing taste of twelve Diet Cokes®?

However, we do have some concerns. There may be negative health consequences associated with President Trump-level consumption of McDonald’s and Coca-Cola products. And you can’t buy our products if you’re dead.

So here are here, hat in hand, to ask a favor: Please stop trying to copy the president’s diet. We understand it is an exciting ‘meme’, like planking, or bath salts. But just like any meme, it can turn deadly in an instant, and we hope you refrain from participating.”

A public relations manager for McDonald’s, who requested to speak on the condition of anonymity, personally scoffed at their company’s attempt at corporate social responsibility. “You know, we usually stay out of politics. This [expletive] sells itself, we don’t have to do anything. It’s literally addictive,” he said. “Now we have the President as our unpaid spokesman? I don’t even need to do my job!”

Coca-Cola seemed to anticipate backlash from the Oval Office with their statement. There are rumors the company relaunched Diet Coke to appear younger and thinner in the hopes of keeping the President Trump interested in the product.

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