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Fun with Apple pre-earnings headlines

April 27, 2015, 7:23 PM UTC
Apple Profit Rises 78% On Demand For IPads, IPhones, As Steve Jobs Takes Leave Of Absence
The 1 Infinite Loop building stands at Apple Inc.'s headquarters campus in Cupertino, California, U.S., on Wednesday, Jan. 19, 2011. Apple Inc., whose Chief Executive Officer Steve Jobs said on Monday that he is taking a medical leave of absence, posted a 78 percent jump in quarterly profit, helped by holiday buying of iPads, iPhones, and Macintosh computers. Photographer: Tony Avelar/Bloomberg via Getty Images
Photograph by Tony Avelar — Bloomberg via Getty Images