Tweeting the Fortune 500

June 2, 2014, 12:50 PM UTC
Jason Schneider for Fortune

Today we honor the top 500 companies in the world by revenue, and compare them with how they ranked last year. #bigscarybehemoths!

As a group, their positions are rather stable, though there is some shifting from there to here. #Costcoisup #Cokesalittledown

Revenue is produced by a variety of products, from investment vehicles to tractors. #BerkshireHathaway4 #JohnDeere80

We’re going to comment while keeping our remarks to 140 characters. #notgonnabeeasy


At the top once again, retaining its position, is @WalMart, which took in nearly half a trillion. #whichisessentiallyflat

It was a somewhat challenging year, but its executives are still dancing at the compensation cotillion. #specialitemsexcludedout

Next, same as our prior parade of all-stars, are @exxonmobil and @chevron, the latter half the size of the former. #consolidationenvy?

That’s performance their shareholders may find very cool … as we all get a lot warmer. #carbonbigfoots


We already mentioned @warrenbuffett. He’s an Oracle! And his 817K followers will never die of boredom. #asatweeterhesnoalecbaldwin

Those A shares look tasty … but at nearly $200K each who can afford ’em? #Bigpricetagforatriptobeautifuldown-townOmahafortheannualmeeting

Next — up one notch from last year — is Apple, long may it thrive! #welcometosplitsville

At this writing, I’ve got a big-ass tower, four laptops, three iPads, six iPods, and an iPhone 5. #Iamnotanandroid


Those are the biggest of the big, the toppermost of the poppermost. #arcaneBeatlesreference

But there are 495 more, of varying interest and notoriety, that have ample reason to boast. #notchoppedliverbyanymeans

We find @GM holding nicely at No. 7, for instance. Really not bad at all! #hmmmm…

… considering their, you know, issues. What they are, I can’t … er … recall. #getit?

What’s interesting is that the entire top 25 are traditional brands with actual revenue that’s not midgetal. #@Ford@GE@BOA

Nary an app among them. Except for Apple, nothing digital. #justimagineifthelistwasbasedonprofits!


Then we welcome @Amazon at No. 35 down the chimney like Santa with a bag full of Kindles. #nowunderpricingallcompetitors

And soon? Your very own personal drone conveniently hovering outside your windows. #itscometoourattentionyoureoutofrazorblades

At 46, we pause before the Temple of @Google to tarry. #theeggplantthatateSanFran

And say a slightly creepy prayer to what is on the collective mind of Sergey and Larry. #bargesandglassesandrobotsohmy


Lots of insurance and banking in the middle sections. #@GoldmanSachsdownabitbutIwouldntworryaboutthem

Along with a few to help with general erections. #bigpharma

Then way down at 341, heaven save us … #about8billioninrevenue

Is Facebook. Right after Avis. #keepingperspectiveiswhatthelistisallabout


And so, once again, as the sun sets slowly in the west. #duringafterhourstrading

We say goodbye to the ones who do it best. #longmaytheywave

May your joy and perceived value growth be never-ending! #heywaitaminuteshouldwestoptoconsider

May your profits be GAAP! May you always be trending! #wheretheheckisTwitter?

Follow Stanley Bing at and on Twitter at @thebingblog.

This story is from the June 16, 2014 issue of Fortune.