• Home
  • Latest
  • Fortune 500
  • Finance
  • Tech
  • Leadership
  • Lifestyle
  • Rankings
  • Multimedia

Trendingnow

1

The U.S. spent $30 billion to ditch textbooks for laptops and tablets: The result is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents

2

Current price of oil as of July 13, 2026

3

Current price of silver as of Monday, July 13, 2026

1

The U.S. spent $30 billion to ditch textbooks for laptops and tablets: The result is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents

2

Current price of oil as of July 13, 2026

3

Current price of silver as of Monday, July 13, 2026

Punny business: When words collide

By
May 18, 2012, 9:00 AM ET
Add Fortune on Google for similar content.

Punniest of show: Gracie Deegan

FORTUNE — “When it comes to puns,” John Pollack has written, “many people consider all of them — no matter how clever — to be foolish, irritating, subversive, or worse.”

Pollack is definitely not one of those people. He’s the author of The Pun Also Rises, a book that begins with an account of how Pollack won the 18th annual O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships in 1995 and goes on to link punning, causally, with the dawn of civilization.

I heard him speak last spring at a Mexican restaurant on the south side of Austin. It was the night before the championships (happening again this year on May 19), and some of the contestants had gathered to exchange warm-up puns, drink a little, eat a lot (the tables were groaning too), and honor Pollack as Punster of the Year.

Pollack has pale skin; hardly any hair; shifty, sparkling eyes; and a sudden, winning grin that cuts from ear to ear. He told a story about the time he was one of two finalists for a job as speechwriter for President Clinton. “The decision memo put down these various things,” Pollack said, “but the only thing that President Clinton circled was that I had won the O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships. In the margin he wrote ‘Good!,’ and I got the job.” Pollack’s fellow punsters cheered him as if he were a rock star.

The next day at noon I went downtown to watch the contest on the lawn behind the O. Henry Museum, named for the writer, who lived here for a time and who was fond of wordplay. Pollack, wearing a straw fedora, was on hand to help judge the first event, Punniest of Show. It’s a set-piece format: 90 seconds to rip off as many puns as you can (quantity trumps quality) on a theme of your choosing. The judges score on a scale of one to 10, Olympics-style.

This year’s winner was Gracie Deegan, a petite, brown-eyed 25-year-old rookie who works at the concierge desk at Whole Foods. “I was bagging groceries,” she told me, “and someone handed me a box of mushrooms, and I said, ‘I don’t know, I don’t have mushroom left!'”

Deegan took the stage in khaki shorts and a sleeveless yellow tunic. “WMgeez, y’all,” she began, “I am really worried about the Middle East. This threat is constant and ample. I mean, this is a Syria situation, for Shah! And if we don’t find a solution Sunni, I Farsi that the Shiite is really gonna hit the fan!”

Afterward I sought out Deegan’s boyfriend, Justin Haak. (“It’s German for ‘bad cough,'” Deegan told me.) I asked him, “You don’t compete with her in this arena?”

“Hell, no!” Haak said. “I don’t compete with her in any arena. I’m just trying not to screw up.”


Champions (seated, from left) Matt Pollock, Benjamin Ziek, and Gracie Deegan; runners-up (standing) Dave Wallace, Kelly Dupen, Justin Golbabai, Andy Balinsky, and Jason Epstein

The crowd grew slowly throughout the afternoon in anticipation of the main event, the punslingers competition. It features two or more contestants per single-elimination round; one topic, randomly chosen in the moment; puns parrying puns at maximum five-second intervals until somebody draws a blank. There’s no keening when the end comes, just a dreadful silence.

Back to defend his crown was Ben Ziek, 35, a night auditor at the Burbank Marriott in California and a self-described “game-show geek” who has been on Win Ben Stein’s Money (“I did not, unfortunately”) and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (“In a way, yes. In a way, no.”)

Ziek — competing in jean shorts, T-shirt, and a black fedora — made it to the final round, together with Dav (don’t call him Dave) Wallace and Jason Epstein. The topic was fairy tales.

“Well,” said Ziek, early in the final round. “I got asked if I have to use the bathroom or if I have to enter the door, so I said, ‘Pee? No. Key? Yo!”

Wallace didn’t miss a beat: “Growing up my mother thought I was gay,” he said. “Fairy? God, mother!”

Epstein smiled appreciatively. “So I have a blow-up cousin,” he began. “And I….” The spectators were groaning. Ziek was looking at him sideways, and Wallace was shaking his head. “Okay, can I finish? I carry her around in my pump kin carriage.”

I was ready to crown Epstein champion. But when his turn came back around, he was done. “I have nothing,” he said sadly, and stepped away from the microphone.

Ziek and Wallace sputtered on, Ziek complaining of a “Disney spell” and Wallace admitting that things were “getting Grimm.” Finally Wallace delivered what seemed like a knockout blow. “Well,” he said, “if I don’t get this one right, after all the insults I’ve given my wife, she’s gonna hit me in the Peter Pan.”


Punster Ella Stankiewicz

Ziek just smirked. “But I know that you’re a crafty man,” he replied instantly. “She’ll never, never land a punch.” Game over.

At this point you might be wondering, What possible connection does any of this have to the world of business? I was wondering the same thing. I asked Pollack to help me out.

When you make puns, he began, “you have to choose your moments, and you have to be willing to let them go if someone doesn’t get your humor. That’s okay. It’s hard when someone doesn’t appreciate it, but if you just let it go gracefully…”

“Most puns are failures,” I said, encouragingly.

“Yes. But so are most scientific ideas, so are most artistic projects. So are most businesses!” Pollack was on a roll. “In the end we don’t decry people for attempting to start businesses or attempting to make art. It’s an act of creation, and that’s bound to have a high failure rate. That’s the essence of evolution, where all these mutations fail and only a very few succeed. That is the nature of life.”

Why, yes. Life is like business. That’s why they call it buyology.

This story is from the May 21, 2012 issue of Fortune.

Add Fortune on Google for similar content.

Latest in

Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025

Most Popular

Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Finance
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam
By Fortune Editors
October 20, 2025
Fortune Secondary Logo
Rankings
  • 100 Best Companies
  • Fortune 500
  • Global 500
  • Fortune 500 Europe
  • Most Powerful Women
  • World's Most Admired Companies
  • See All Rankings
  • Lists Calendar
Sections
  • Finance
  • Fortune Crypto
  • Features
  • Leadership
  • Health
  • Commentary
  • Success
  • Retail
  • Mpw
  • Tech
  • Lifestyle
  • CEO Initiative
  • Asia
  • Politics
  • Conferences
  • Europe
  • Newsletters
  • Personal Finance
  • Environment
  • Magazine
  • Education
Customer Support
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Customer Service Portal
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms Of Use
  • Single Issues For Purchase
  • International Print
Commercial Services
  • Advertising
  • Fortune Brand Studio
  • Fortune Analytics
  • Fortune Conferences
  • Business Development
  • Group Subscriptions
About Us
  • About Us
  • Press Center
  • Work At Fortune
  • Terms And Conditions
  • Site Map
  • About Us
  • Press Center
  • Work At Fortune
  • Terms And Conditions
  • Site Map
  • Facebook icon
  • Twitter icon
  • LinkedIn icon
  • Instagram icon
  • Pinterest icon

Latest in

U.S. launches new strikes on Iran while Tehran mocks Trump’s reversal on charging for Hormuz transits — ‘20% is of course too much. We will be fair’
PoliticsIran
U.S. launches new strikes on Iran while Tehran mocks Trump’s reversal on charging for Hormuz transits — ‘20% is of course too much. We will be fair’
By Jon Gambrell, Konstantin Toropin, Will Weissert and The Associated PressJuly 13, 2026
8 hours ago
Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell face each other.
North Americagovernment spending
McConnell’s absence could jeopardize Republicans’ defense spending agenda as the Iran war escalates
By Sasha RogelbergJuly 13, 2026
8 hours ago
Best Recumbent Bikes (2026): Athlete Approved
HealthDietary Supplements
Best Recumbent Bikes (2026): Athlete Approved
By Christina SnyderJuly 13, 2026
10 hours ago
SoFi® vs. College Ave student loans
Personal Financestudent loans and debt
SoFi® vs. College Ave student loans
By Joseph HostetlerJuly 13, 2026
11 hours ago
Jony Ive (left), formerly with Apple and now with OpenAI, standing next to Laurene Powell Jobs, the widow of Apple founder Steve Jobs, at an event in 2022.
AIOpenAI
Stolen laptops, data breaches, secret moles, and recruiting-as-espionage. Here are the wildest claims in Apple’s lawsuit against OpenAI
By Emily ForliniJuly 13, 2026
11 hours ago
SoFi® private student loans review 2026
Personal FinanceLoans
SoFi® private student loans review 2026
By Joseph HostetlerJuly 13, 2026
11 hours ago

Most Popular

The U.S. spent $30 billion to ditch textbooks for laptops and tablets: The result is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents
Innovation
The U.S. spent $30 billion to ditch textbooks for laptops and tablets: The result is the first generation less cognitively capable than their parents
By Sasha RogelbergJuly 12, 2026
2 days ago
Current price of oil as of July 13, 2026
Personal Finance
Current price of oil as of July 13, 2026
By Joseph HostetlerJuly 13, 2026
21 hours ago
Current price of silver as of Monday, July 13, 2026
Personal Finance
Current price of silver as of Monday, July 13, 2026
By Joseph HostetlerJuly 13, 2026
21 hours ago
Trump embraces Australian retirement system backed by Larry Fink
Personal Finance
Trump embraces Australian retirement system backed by Larry Fink
By Brianna Sosa and BloombergJuly 12, 2026
1 day ago
How Pete Hegseth's DEI order just put Scouting America's future at stake
North America
How Pete Hegseth's DEI order just put Scouting America's future at stake
By Seth T. Kannarr, Derek H. Alderman and The ConversationJuly 13, 2026
12 hours ago
Ex-PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi worked from midnight until 5 a.m. as a receptionist to pay for her Yale degree—and she says ‘respect went up’ because of it
Success
Ex-PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi worked from midnight until 5 a.m. as a receptionist to pay for her Yale degree—and she says ‘respect went up’ because of it
By Preston ForeJuly 6, 2026
8 days ago

© 2026 Fortune Media IP Limited. All Rights Reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy | CA Notice at Collection and Privacy Notice | Do Not Sell/Share My Personal Information
FORTUNE is a trademark of Fortune Media IP Limited, registered in the U.S. and other countries. FORTUNE may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.