America’s Most Stimulated

February 12, 2009, 6:14 PM UTC

moneySo we have our stimulus package. I don’t think anybody truly understands where the benefits will truly be felt most immediately, but if the thing creates even half the number of jobs that the president thinks it will that will be a good thing.

When a victim is lying bleeding on a sidewalk, it’s time for the triage people to step in, with less concern for how that individual is going to provide profitable income for the rehab facility later. I think all those who are prognosticating all sorts of gloom and doom as a result of this particular triage effort should shut up. They had their turn. They got us here. Thanks a million. Now get out of town and stay there.

Speaking of millions, I would like to take a brief moment to congratulate each of the 700 people at Merrill Lynch whose bonuses topped out at more than $1,000,000. I’m pretty sure that each of you received more last year, but are also relieved to get even that small percentage of what you might have earned had a bunch of variables beyond your control been more upsidey.

If the economy had not gone into the tank, for instance, you would have hit the number you’d achieved many times in the past.

Likewise, if Wall Street hadn’t been infested with squirrels and gutless wieners, many of your prognostications would have paid off much more profitably for your investors and the pool you’re sipping from now would have been much bigger, I’m sure.

If all the deadbeats who believed the housing loan sales weasels in the last decade or so had made good on their sub-prime mortgages and not been forced into foreclosure, you’d have hit a totally different kind of nut, wouldn’t you.

And if there wasn’t so much nasty media attention on your sector, there’s no question your comp committee would have been more likely to disgorge the kind of sums to which you’ve been accustomed over the years.

Still, I’m pleased for you. Sure, it’s only, like, $565,453 after taxes and much of it is spoken for already. But it’s something. Put a little in the bank. Then go out and spend a big chunk of it, okay? We all have to do our parts to fuel this recovery, no matter how badly we’re hurting right now.