Reduce stress during the work day

CEOs have told me they’ve also fallen into the understandable trap of wanting to escape stress by doing things that actually increase stress, like social media. That dopamine pull tempts you to watch, oh just a quick video…. Stats show this can add up to a couple hours of doom scrolling for the average person, on top of binge watching at home.

I fell into it too and I also had another personal online vice—bullet chess—until a friend with a background in neuroscience told me, “Do it if it’s fun but don’t think it relaxes you. It’s having the opposite effect. It’s hyper-exciting your brain. It is not relaxing your brain. It’s speeding it up.” So everyone on social media—or you folks playing candy crush on the commute—same message. Do it if it’s fun but don’t think it relaxes you. You are re-stressing, not de-stressing, your brain.

I’ve found that CEOs were later getting into this little addiction trap but then the soonest ones out. They were quicker to recognize they can take control and simply “delete the apps” that are causing trouble.

If you do choose to watch social media, at least pick comedy. The average kid laughs 300 times a day and average adult, only 17. Find reasons to laugh! Laughing at ourselves and our situations releases so much stress.

Try breath work

Here’s a simple one. Close your eyes right now and take 5 breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Make each breath slightly deeper, slower and longer so it starts to swap more of the stale air from the bottom of your lungs. See how easy that was?  Now hold one side of your nose closed and do it again, then switch.

Our normal “shallow” breathing exchanges air at the top of our lungs but deeper, balanced breathing (diaphragm expels more CO2) reaches your alveoli and stimulates the vagus nerve which creates more energy, even just doing a few times a day. If you stretch while you do it, you get bonus points.

Want to relax even deeper in only minutes? Sit with good posture and intentionally relax all the muscles at the very top of your skull. Then do the same for all the muscles around your eyes. Then slowly work your way down your whole body.

Even if you don’t fall sleep, naps are gold.

Have you heard of the 22 minute nap trick? A colleague, Doug Melder, told me, have your midday tea or coffee then go lay down for 22 minutes, a power nap. Whether you sleep or not, you’re still re-booting your brain. It takes 22 minutes for the caffeine to hit the blood stream so you’re double refreshed as it kicks in. Many tech companies have nap rooms, or CEOs find access to a couch somewhere, for a reason. Don’t worry about sleeping just releasing. Some of your best ideas come when you are not actively trying to solve that thorny problem.

Get outside

I was walking once with David Fizdale, then head coach of the NY Knicks who gave me permission to share this story. (We all think we deal with stress? Try coaching an NBA team.) I shared the theory of pheromones in the trees. Trees don’t talk to each other the way animals do so how do they know when to bud? When should they make the bark thicker? When ought they push roots out further? One way they communicate is by releasing pheromones in the air. Those pheromones are very therapeutic for the human brain. That’s why when you walk through a park you feel better but you’re not sure why? Pheromones. That smell of freshly cut grass‚or the air after a rain—has a wonderful effect on us. Fiz said that made him start doing more “walking” meetings and at one point was up to more than a 100 days in a row walking by trees. Europeans are the best I’ve seen on getting outside. There was a survey that the three things kids remember most from their childhood are family dinners, family vacations and things they did outside. If sitting is the new smoking, maybe walking is the new therapy.

Feel grateful, not guilty

Give yourselve some grace with some perspective. You work hard. You do so much for others. You are doing OK. Objectively, if you think about it, you’re doing way better than OK. Mathematically, if you are reading this, you are rich.

“Oh no, Billy, you don’t know my situation…. I am … We are….My bills are….” I am not saying you don’t face difficulties or have real challenges. 77% of Americans are one paycheck away from trouble.

But a bit of perspective, friends, to help us laugh at ourselves and find grace in our fortune. A third of the world still lives on $2 a day. We are conditioned to compare ourselves to others but why only with the outliers in one direction? Widen your lens. You’re doing OK. But if you really need to compare, let’s compare.

• Can you name a king in history who ate a better quality and variety of food than you did in the last few weeks alone? Just your leftovers alone would win.
• Name a queen who slept on bedsheets with higher thread count than you last night?
• An explorer who’s covered more ground than you’ve had frequent flier miles?
• What Emperor had better health care, Sultan a better vehicle or Inventor better tech than you?

We are at a point in history where we are very, very fortunate. In public speaking we teach people to focus on the positive when you see yourselves on camera. Folks laugh when we say “You’re gorgeous. Deal with it.” Let’s add a corollary. “You’re rich, be actively grateful.”

My goal is not to make you feel guilty. Trust me, I’m Catholic. Guilt is one of our main motivational tools. I don’t want you to feel guilty, I want you to feel grateful. Guilt points to misery. Grateful leads to joy. But be actively grateful. Life is great when we are full of perspective on how great and full it is. Be intentional. Enjoy things more. Help others more. Be in the moment. Take more deep breaths, enjoy more walks, laugh more and especially eat more ice cream. It’s not just the minutes but the moments that make work and life worthwhile.

Bill Hoogterp is a bestselling author, an entrepreneur, and one of the top executive coaches worldwide. He has advised dozens of Fortune 500 CEOs, and last year, his company, LifeHikes, offered trainings at more than 100 global companies in 47 countries and seven languages. In his series for Fortune, he helps executives striving to become better leaders. To learn more about Bill, visit lifehikes.com. To submit a question for a future column, email bill_hoogterp@lifehikes.com.