Podcast Industry Stalls After Entire Audience Acquires a Mattress and a Website
Media’s favorite medium is in danger of extinction. Through a series of diffuse and effective advertising campaigns, every listener of every podcast now has both a mattress and a personal website. As a result, advertising revenue for the podcast industry is in danger of drying up completely.
Podcasts hosts across the globe are beginning to panic, unsure how to stay financially afloat now that their entire audience has a comfortable, affordable mattress and an easy-to-use website that can be edited without writing a single line of HTML.
“My whole livelihood is at stake. Why must I suffer because someone took a look at the mattress industry, had the bright idea of cutting out the middleman, and selling directly to the consumer?” said Eric Weiden, host of a weekly Game of Thrones recap podcast. “I don’t want to go back to my office job.”
As financial uncertainty becomes a real threat to the longform audio format of storytelling, this widespread sense of dread and panic is now all too common in podcast hosts.
“I’m not sure how all seven of my listeners got a mattress and a website. But this is not looking good for the future of the Monday Frozen Pizza Review,” said Brianne Aaronson, host of a podcast in which she reviews assorted frozen pizzas every Monday.
In a joint statement penned by Casper Mattresses and Squarespace, the two companies confirmed they would withdraw all current advertising sponsorships across a total of 4,300 podcasts.
“This is a dream come true. We’ve achieved complete market saturation in this space, so it is time to move on. We understand this will be a difficult time for independent creatives, but we hope they rest easy on a breathable, comfort-foam mattress, and they find comfort in knowing it’s never been easier for anyone to make their own website.”
For more satire from Fortune, click here.