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Beware the SLINKY: The top 5 countries to avoid investing in

Those who came late to the historic rally in BRICs (Brazil, Russia, India and China)—or who badly mistimed investments in MINTs (Mexico, Indonesia, Nigeria and Turkey), or who lost quarter of a nest egg gambling on CIVETS (Colombia, Indonesia, Vietnam, Egypt, Turkey and South Africa) or PINEs (Philippines, Indonesia, Nigeria and Ethiopia)—will probably nod wearily to the words of fund manager Rick Schmidt, who oversees $8.9 billion in emerging markets portfolios for Harding Loevner: “Anytime anybody tells you to invest in an acronym,” Schmidt told a Fortune reporter recently, “run for the hills.”

With that wisdom in mind, we thought we’d come up with an acronymic investment concept that can serve as an object lesson—a portfolio that screams, “Run Away!”

We present to you the SLINKY, an unlikely retirement-saver for those who like to sift for value stocks in danger zones. (Seriously, don’t invest here.)

Syria

Smoke and flames rise over Syrian town of Kobani after an airstrike, as seen from the Mursitpinar crossing on the Turkish-Syrian border in the southeastern town of Suruc in Sanliurfa province, October 20, 2014. The United States told Turkey that a U.S. military air-drop of arms to Syrian Kurds battling Islamic State near the Syrian town of Kobani was a response to a crisis situation and did not represent a change in U.S. policy, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said on Monday.

The civil war continues.

Libya

Officials of Muammar Gaddafi’s government sit behind bars during a hearing at a courtroom in Tripoli November 16, 2014.

After Qadhafi, confusion and conflict.

Iraq

The Iraqi flag flutters during the official opening of the second refinery for crude oil in Al-Dora refinery complex in Baghdad on September 16, 2010. The refinery will produce 70,000 barrels per day of white oil, gas, diesel and liquid gas.

ISIS and Baghdad have reached stalemate.

North Korea

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un smiles during a visit to the Chonji Lubricant Factory, in this undated photo released by North Korea’s Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) in Pyongyang August 6, 2014.

Kim Jong-un remains genuinely popular…with American comedy writers.

Yemen

Houthi Shiite Yemeni raise their weapons during clashes near the presidential palace in Sanaa, Yemen, Monday, Jan. 19, 2015. Rebel Shiite Houthis battled soldiers near Yemen’s presidential palace and elsewhere across the capital Monday, despite a claim of a cease-fire being reached to halt the violence, witnesses and officials said.

Houthi rebels seize the presidential palace. Anybody home?