Hey there. Hello ! Me am counterfeit Stanleybing1@twitter .com. Me hijacked real Stanley Bing Twitter feed about two days ago. Me took he handle and put he picture up just like real Stanley Bing, whoever he is. And now everybody who follow real Stanley Bing think him me and me him and that the way I like it! ‘Cause I gotta lotta things to sell all the followers of real Stanley Bing. But that not me! I am clone! Proud clone! It is good to be clone!
You may ask how stupid Stanleybing1 gain access to smart real Stanley Bing? Because real Stanley Bing stupid too! He click on message that say, “Hey, Stanley, this is Steve. Somebody is writing a nasty blog about you.” Stanley Bing paranoid. He click. Let me in. Here I am! Proud clone! Ha ha ha!
You may ask where I live? I no tell. They got plenty pizza there and beer and electricity in wall. That’s all me need to live. Plug in wall. Bunch of bots to excrete. We got a party!
Okay, you see the way I write you here, and I bet you think I some kind of dummy. You right, 100%. I dumb terminal, spitting out nonsense. Most of what I say computer generated. Random English, spoke by pigeons, hah! But who care? I got linx. Links! Many, many interesting links.
For instance, perhaps you want your penis to be bigger. Who don’t, if they got one. Click on me and I get that for you. Also one-tenth of one American cent every time you click. Lots of people want big penis. Big penis mean big money for bots! Think how surprised all followers of real Stanley Bing are to get that message, huh? Make me wanna laugh! Ha ha ha!
Helping stuff like that not the only info I got. Some people need better romance, and how. Hubba hubba. So I also very, very busy telling all real Stanley Bing’s friends and followers where to get little blue pill of some kind. Also organic herbal remedies that do same thing. GUARANTEED to make your partner happy! That nice. Even bots like happy. And organic.
I also very big expert on eyeglasses for some reason. Always shooting out important messages about cheap eyeglasses. Click here to save money on eyeglasses! Or here! How about over here?! Lots and lots and lots of ’em, ever couple hours more eyeglass frames at VERY GOOD PRICES. Only thing I can guess is that Stanley Bing’s Twitter people need help to get more sexlove and see better too.
So life is good! I having very good time talking to all Stanley Bing people and offering all the good merchandise and helping things from world of medicine and herbal food additives that are good for you and NOT AVAILABLE IN ANY STORE. I be very please to do this all day every day 24/7 day after day after day it is great to be Stanleybing1@twitter.com! Come visit! Follow me! Not him!
Except something not right. Somebody coming. What? Who? No! They here! Hey! Stop! Poking me! Yanking at my itty-bitty brain! Messing around in my guts! Ow! What? Help! Help! I don’t want to dieeeeeeeee …
Hello, everybody. This is me. The real Stanley Bing. I know it’s hard to prove it. My picture is the same as that idiot’s. The experience of being hacked is weird. It’s like a piece of you just got chopped off and left to go floating somewhere in the digital stream. It’s my fault. I clicked. He was born. Fortunately, I was able to convince the good folks at Twitter that the twit was not me. He is dead or perhaps back in his bot farm, drooling a bit while looking at catalogues for Viagra knockoffs. The good news is that in order for a vampire to enter your home, you have to invite him in. I don’t intend to do so ever again. One fake persona is enough for me.
Follow Stanley Bing at stanleybing.com and on Twitter at @thebingblog.
This story is from the September 2, 2013 issue of Fortune.
