Steve Jobs and Apple linked to outbreak of Internet Tourette’s

June 3, 2012, 10:02 AM UTC

FORTUNE — A reader who called himself “jabberwolf” posted a poorly spelled and ungrammatical comment here Saturday in which he attacked Apple (AAPL) for a variety of alleged transgressions, including a claim that Steve Jobs put his name on hundreds of patents to which he contributed absolutely nothing.

In response, FalKirk, one of our favorite commenters, posted this:

In related news, scientists fear an outbreak of an epidemic known only as “Internet Tourette’s.”

“It’s a baffling disease,” said Dr. Goodwrench. ‘Perfectly normal people suddenly start spouting complete and utter gibberish for no apparent reason. It’s clear that they, themselves, think that they are making sense, but their sentences are disjointed, logic non-existent and they seem to jump from topic to topic with no regard for context or continuity or common sense.”

The Centers for Disease Control are taking a long hard look at the matter. “It’s a serious problem,” said Israeli professor Telly Prompter. “It appears that when certain key words like ‘Apple,’ ‘Jobs’ or ‘patents’ are uttered, those afflicted with this debilitating ailment simply lose touch with reality and start to mindlessly ramble on and on and on about unrelated matters. It’s similar to a psychotic break — only it’s a lot more boring.”

“There’s only one known cure for Internet Tourette’s,” opined government guru, Manny Petty. “Step away from the keyboard and shut down your computer. Just. Step. Away.”

For victims of Internet Tourette’s, like Jabberwolf and the millions of other sufferers like him, that is good advice. Very good advice indeed.

“What’s mine is yours,” Falkirk writes. Feel free to adapt and reuse as necessary.