While Fitbit, Jawbone, Pebble and others all struggle to live up to early hype, one small startup in the English Midlands may just have cracked it.

British Condoms, a 14-strong company that operates out of an otherwise unremarkable business park in Eastwood, Nottinghamshire, is taking advance orders for the ‘i.Con’, a ring to be worn at the base of a condom that will measure your, er, performance in real time.

According to the designers, the i.Con (we know; we can’t help thinking there’s a clue in the name too) will use a nano-chip and sensors to measure in real time the amount of calories you’re burning, session duration, girth, the speed, and number of thrusts (apologies if you think this is over-sharing), and even the number of positions you use over a week, a month or a year.

You’ll then be able to download your data onto whatever device you want (“Thank goodness for Bluetooth,” we hear you thinking). Whereafter, this being 2017, you can share your data “with friends, or, indeed, the whole world.”

At that point, we confidently predict, there will be a lot fewer people talking about their Strava records.

“Welcome to the future of wearable technology in the bedroom,” the company proudly sums up.

There’s a joke about the hype curve in there somewhere, but I’m not going anywhere near it.