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Illustration by Tomasz Walenta for TIME; Mirror, Dice: Getty Images; Stein: Alexi Rosenfeld; Streisand: Corbis

FORTUNE — For his humor column in the current issue of Time Magazine, Joel Stein channels Seth Rogen’s character in
The Guilt Trip
and takes Barbra Streisand on a car ride in which she reveals a more-than-casual interest in Apple (AAPL):

Other than the temperature controlling and backseat driving, Barbra was a really fun, mellow driving buddy. She told me about her cousin Lowell, I told her what a mullet is, she told me she’s thinking of casting Lady Gaga as the lead in her remake of Gypsy, and I told her I was really, really cold. We agreed that she looks really young and that I should say so in this column. Barbra also told me that her body is trained to wake up at 6:25 a.m. so she can start trading stocks in her nightgown right when the market opens in New York City. When I asked her for picks, she told me the exact same thing my mom, who also has CNBC on all day, does: “Apple! Apple!”

The column is called Driving Miss Barbra. It’s classic Stein: fast, self-effacing and ridden with guilt.