Bloomberg Bloomberg via Getty Images
By Lauren Covello
January 24, 2017

Cards Against Humanity is looking for a new CEO—specifically, Barack Obama.

The makers of the popular card game, whose stream of witty and irreverent stunts includes digging a massive hole for no reason and raising prices on Black Friday, posted a fake job listing this week in both the Chicago Tribune and on Craigslist. The company says it’s looking for a new CEO who has “minimum eight years experience as President of the United States of America or equivalent nation,” among these requirements:

– Strong public speaking skills
– Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
– Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
– Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
– Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
– Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
– Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
– Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
– Natural born citizen of the United States
– Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint

The job includes benefits such as “health/dental/vision insurance (while available)” and “access to office pantry with unlimited almonds.” (That last point was a reference to a report published last year that suggested Obama eats exactly seven almonds a night; he later set the record straight, saying he does not count the number of almonds he eats.)

While the offer sounds tempting, something tells us Obama won’t bite: when he and Michelle return from their post-presidency vacation on Richard Branson’s island, they’ll be busy figuring out their next projects under the Obama Foundation, whose website launched Friday. Their first priority: the Obama Presidential Center on Chicago’s South Side, which will house the Obama presidential archives and serve as the headquarters of their foundation.

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