Cards Against Humanity is looking for a new CEO—specifically, Barack Obama.
The makers of the popular card game, whose stream of witty and irreverent stunts includes digging a massive hole for no reason and raising prices on Black Friday, posted a fake job listing this week in both the Chicago Tribune and on Craigslist. The company says it’s looking for a new CEO who has “minimum eight years experience as President of the United States of America or equivalent nation,” among these requirements:
- Strong public speaking skills
- Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
- Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
- Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
- Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
- Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
- Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
- Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
- Natural born citizen of the United States
- Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
The job includes benefits such as “health/dental/vision insurance (while available)” and “access to office pantry with unlimited almonds.” (That last point was a reference to a report published last year that suggested Obama eats exactly seven almonds a night; he later set the record straight, saying he does not count the number of almonds he eats.)
While the offer sounds tempting, something tells us Obama won’t bite: when he and Michelle return from their post-presidency vacation on Richard Branson's island, they’ll be busy figuring out their next projects under the Obama Foundation, whose website launched Friday. Their first priority: the Obama Presidential Center on Chicago’s South Side, which will house the Obama presidential archives and serve as the headquarters of their foundation.
We’ve included affiliate links in this article. Click here to learn what those are.