Tweeting the Fortune 500 by Stanley Bing @FortuneMagazine June 2, 2014, 8:07 AM EDT E-mail Tweet Facebook Google Plus Linkedin Share icons Today we honor the top 500 companies in the world by revenue, and compare them with how they ranked last year. #bigscarybehemoths! As a group, their positions are rather stable, though there is some shifting from there to here. #Costcoisup #Cokesalittledown Revenue is produced by a variety of products, from investment vehicles to tractors. #BerkshireHathaway4 #JohnDeere80 We’re going to comment while keeping our remarks to 140 characters. #notgonnabeeasy + At the top once again, retaining its position, is @WalMart, which took in nearly half a trillion. #whichisessentiallyflat It was a somewhat challenging year, but its executives are still dancing at the compensation cotillion. #specialitemsexcludedout Next, same as our prior parade of all-stars, are @exxonmobil and @chevron, the latter half the size of the former. #consolidationenvy? That’s performance their shareholders may find very cool … as we all get a lot warmer. #carbonbigfoots + We already mentioned @warrenbuffett. He’s an Oracle! And his 817K followers will never die of boredom. #asatweeterhesnoalecbaldwin Those A shares look tasty … but at nearly $200K each who can afford ’em? #Bigpricetagforatriptobeautifuldown-townOmahafortheannualmeeting Next — up one notch from last year — is Apple, long may it thrive! #welcometosplitsville At this writing, I’ve got a big-ass tower, four laptops, three iPads, six iPods, and an iPhone 5. #Iamnotanandroid + Those are the biggest of the big, the toppermost of the poppermost. #arcaneBeatlesreference But there are 495 more, of varying interest and notoriety, that have ample reason to boast. #notchoppedliverbyanymeans We find @GM holding nicely at No. 7, for instance. Really not bad at all! #hmmmm… … considering their, you know, issues. What they are, I can’t … er … recall. #getit? What’s interesting is that the entire top 25 are traditional brands with actual revenue that’s not midgetal. #@Ford@GE@BOA Nary an app among them. Except for Apple, nothing digital. #justimagineifthelistwasbasedonprofits! + Then we welcome @Amazon at No. 35 down the chimney like Santa with a bag full of Kindles. #nowunderpricingallcompetitors And soon? Your very own personal drone conveniently hovering outside your windows. #itscometoourattentionyoureoutofrazorblades At 46, we pause before the Temple of @Google to tarry. #theeggplantthatateSanFran And say a slightly creepy prayer to what is on the collective mind of Sergey and Larry. #bargesandglassesandrobotsohmy + Lots of insurance and banking in the middle sections. #@GoldmanSachsdownabitbutIwouldntworryaboutthem Along with a few to help with general erections. #bigpharma Then way down at 341, heaven save us … #about8billioninrevenue Is Facebook. Right after Avis. #keepingperspectiveiswhatthelistisallabout + And so, once again, as the sun sets slowly in the west. #duringafterhourstrading We say goodbye to the ones who do it best. #longmaytheywave May your joy and perceived value growth be never-ending! #heywaitaminuteshouldwestoptoconsider May your profits be GAAP! May you always be trending! #wheretheheckisTwitter? Follow Stanley Bing at stanleybing.com and on Twitter at @thebingblog. This story is from the June 16, 2014 issue of Fortune.