By Stanley Bing
December 15, 2009

One by one, Tiger’s endorsements are disappearing, going the way of his squeaky-clean image. It’s like they used to say about IBM, updated: Nobody will ever get fired for firing Tiger Woods.  It’s just too easy. It’s the swiftest road to moral superiority at this point. Particularly now that Tiger has taken the advice of his stupid advisors and quit his game for an indefinite period of time, thereby ensuring that he can spend 100% being nothing more than a scandalous embarrassment to his friends, fans and family.

I personally feel that there are, or should be, several great companies that should move into the gap left by all those who have booted Tiger Woods from their endorsement roster, and snap up the greatest golfer who ever lived (even though he is clearly not the greatest person who ever lived). Companies that come to mind include:

  • The City of Las Vegas: The image of Tiger saying “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” would be incredibly powerful.
  • Stanley: Who better to be a spokesman for power tools?
  • Harley-Davidson: Why not appeal to the outlaw in every man?
  • Lawyers.com: Possible tag line: “Take it from me. You never know when you’re going to need a good attorney.” Mrs. Woods could then step into the shot to add, “And I like them too!”
  • Eli Lilly: The pharmacological solutions to various mood and sleep disorders is virtually unlimited, and it’s hard to think of a person who better represents the occasional psychological pain a person can get themselves into.

The key to the problem is pretty clear. Tiger simply has to find products and services whose customer base doesn’t care about his lifestyle and questionable ethical choices. I haven’t even begun to consider the obvious candidates that may be found in any CVS or liquor store. After all, this is a family destination.

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