By Stanley Bing
May 1, 2009

1. Ebola: We were all going to die of it. 

2. Bird Flu: We were all going to die of it. 

3. Y2K: Our computers were all going to die of it. 

4. Global Warming: We’re still going to die of it, but it ‘s a more long term thing so only a few people are still on it. As a panic, it’s SO yesterday. 

5. Japan will take over the world: Until their economy went blooey. 

6. China will take over the world: Still a working paranoid concept, but again, collective ADD has moved on. 

7. Mad cow disease: We were all going to die of it as our brains leaked out of our ears. 

8. AIDS: Anybody who ate in an upscale restaurant would probably get it. 

9. Russsia would bury us: They said they would! 

10. Nuclear War: The jury is still out on that one.

11. The recession will last for 10 years: As soon as we get over this swine flu thing, that could well be back, given the number of shorts who stand to profit by it. 

Look, I gotta go. The day is young out here in California. We still have time for three or four mini-panics before our first martini. Have a calm weekend, huh?

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