By Stanley Bing
January 22, 2009

From: Investor Relations
Sent: Thursday, January 22, 2009 9:26 AM
Subject: Morning Security Analyst Notes


Overall Industry


• Mark Putznick at Boardman Frakes (which reported a fourth quarter 2008 loss of $4.97 per common share) commented on the U.S. revenue environment stating that everything will decelerate significantly during 1Q’09, although “visibility into the overall picture is murky.” He downgraded everything he could get his hands on and then went out to lunch until 2:45 ET, at which time he will once again file a report on the visibility at that time.  


• Roberta Sump at Sprotz Wishnik (which posted a $15 billion loss in the fourth quarter of 2008), issued a note on Barque & Whinny Enterprises, stating that the market seems relatively solid for fictional companies, and that since the firm has yet to produce a single ascertainable product or service, she is maintaining her Buy rating, with a caveat that should the company go into production on anything in the near future, she would have to re-evaluate that position on the stock.


Hawk & Loogie Inc. decided to exit all of its businesses except those that directly pertain to the compensation of its senior officers.


Segment Analysis


• Horatio Mungwiener at Flotsam Jetsam (which has been recently acquired by Dewey Cheatham & Howe and is being rebranded into something of overweening cuteness in the coming weeks) upgraded Hirsute Valley from Get Rid of It to Hold Onto It Very Gingerly, citing an improving discursive gas bubble in its fiduciary gorble, more apparent recession resiliency, visible smoothness in its outstanding carbuncle, and potential upside from asset sales and tax assets. While offering this improved outlook, the analyst cut his price target on the stock to $.40 per share from $43.40 per share.


Market Commentary


Wall Street zoomed up, careened down, leveled off, then fainted in midair after receiving the bad news that somebody was still employed somewhere.  

Additional Notes:

  • Housing starts didn’t even get started, which was disturbing to many analysts, while at the same time unemployment claims skyrocketed, which went a long way toward cheering them up. 
  • Across the operating sector, a number of actual firms reported profitable quarters, and were immediately punished by analysts for not meeting their estimates.
  • The number and length of security analysts reports covered by this daily e-mail grew by 14% y-o-y. “We’re going to keep on doing it until somebody tells us to stop,” said Nestor Farquahar of Wink, Blink and Nod (now in receivership).

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