A little while back, I hit a nerve with some of you who, like me, had been chased to the ends of their patience by Chase Bank. Many of you commented at that time with your own stories of woe and your ideas on how to establish a future free from mindless, incessant solicitation.
Well, I have a piece of news for all of you, and for anybody similarly plagued by a swarm of snail mail from JP Morgan Chase offering you 0% financing and free credit cards until the day you croak and all that nonsense, on and on and on. Last night I dropped by my old apartment — the one that was on the Chase radar screen — and collected a stack of mail that the U.S. Postal Service keeps delivering to that mailbox in spite of my entreaties not to do so. But I digress.
In the mailbox was the following letter from the people at Chase:
I like that after five years they will assume that my distaste for their onslaught will abate, presumably with greater maturity, and they may begin again. That’s a nice touch.
Oh, by the way: Along with this letter in my mailbox were six catalogs from Frontgate, a confusing array of ads, entreaties and threatening notices from Chrysler about a leased car I gave back a few months ago, and six letters offering me a superb deal on a new credit card from Chase. Uh-huh.
I just had what I believe to be a very satisfactory discussion with a nice woman who has not yet gone postal at the Postal Service. I truly believe that in the near future the Government will begin forwarding this valuable mail to me at my new address.
I think I know what I will find therein when it finally does come through, and you know what? I can hardly wait.