By Stanley Bing
February 18, 2008

1. Attend the big white sale blowout at the mall.

2. Cut a cake simply because it was the third Monday in February.

3. Dance around with Abraham Lincoln to music by John Philip Sousa to make people aware of the GREAT DEALS available at Bud’s Used Cars. In fact, it is possible that he never actually knew Abraham Lincoln.

4. It is therefore improbable that he sat around Mount Vernon feeling bad that the celebration of his birthday had essentially eradicated festivities surrounding Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday.

5. Take a couple of days in Cabo over the three-day weekend.

6. Stand in line for 45 minutes for the all you can eat breakfast buffet at the Marriott, which is still pretty much worth it.

7. Get 60 messages on his BlackBerry before noon.

8. Spend several hours watching daytime TV because nothing else was on.

9. Google (GOOG) himself.

10. Recognize the right of Congress to legislate when people’s birthdays are celebrated.

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