By Stanley Bing
October 2, 2007
  1. It can be ignored. With adept scheduling, planning and a combination of procrastination and zen, it may be conceptually possible to skip entirely from Monday to Wednesday. Work is right now being done on this subject. At this very moment, actually.

  2. It can be folded into a very tiny ball and thrown out the window. This may present problems for those who work in office towers with hermetically sealed windows. For those, an air conditioning duct may have to do.
  3. It can be eaten. Adept consumers may, during a normal 10 hour workday, expend between five and eight hours on breakfast, lunch, coffee, and early drinks with clients, friends and associates who are equally committed to solving the Tuesday problem.
  4. It can be beaten swiftly about the head and ears. But not every Tuesday. This will only create bad feelings that will drool over into Monday and Wednesday, perfectly serviceable days that should not be punished for living in the same neighborhood as Tuesday.
  5. It can be fed very slowly into a food processor. This may be done either slowly or quickly, depending on the desired consistency of the detritus one wishes to feed down the drain afterwards.
  6. It can be seduced with chocolates and vodka. This may be the most pleasurable solution, but you have to be in the mood, and the Tuesday in question must be at least slightly presentable or waking up with it on Wednesday can be a disheartening experience.
  7. It can be put to sleep. This is often the most humane solution, but a lot of people don’t have the stomach for it. The question also remains of what to do with the remains.
  8. It can be chewed thoughtfully and then spat out. A rugged solution for cowboy types who can get around the gummy, tough consistency and terrible taste of your average Tuesday.
  9. It can be put to work in the salt mines. Only by financial types, though, many of whom don’t really care what day it is.
  10. It can be allowed to just lie there without being noticed until it expires. I’m going to do that right now.

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